Ponder (Short Story)

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Ponder

         While others are going about their merry way this time of year, I sit and ponder the days of yesteryear. I have not noticed how much different my world has become until this holiday season. So many people have gone – either due to death or their own personal reasons. Few have stayed, some were gained. The twists and turns of life that brought us all together. Should I sit here and live with regret? I look at the fine red wine before me. Sitting in my empty house. Looking around at the pictures on the wall. The frames hang poorly, slightly crooked on the wall. It’s funny what we take for granted. We don’t pay attention to anything anymore. We sacrifice too much soul up material items, we don’t sit back and really appreciate what was around us at one point in time. At least, not until it’s too late and nothing is left but a mere memory. 

          The echoing of voices and laughter from many years ago fill my mind. The music, the food, the smell of cookies. The tale of Saint Nick and the presents beneath the tree. The wonder and imagination each child has – should still remain in us as we grow older. Imagination and wonder doesn’t equal immaturity. It equals life. Depression in adults is at it’s high, and we allow it. A creative soul is seen as insanity. Yet a greedy soulless individual is seen as sanity. We are the reason we’re so pathetic. Allowing our minds to be altered. Not sitting back and enjoying the friends and family that are good to us. No, we spend too much time focusing on the negatives. Which equal deep thought, and deep thought makes a situation a hundred times worse than if we look at the facts. 

     As a kid, I despised Saint Nick. I didn’t want a strange man to be coming into my house to give me toys. I already had so many toys. I didn’t need anymore. Give them to the poor. Been generous when I was a child. In fact, a majority of my childhood I would play with toys and friends of the imaginary kind! I would be climbing up vast mountains! Writing tales of a young woman named Becky taking a train across America in search of a wanted criminal! Oh the joys of childhood were in my hands whether creepy Saint Nick snuck into my house or not! I kept that vision to this day! Writing tales and songs. Feeling music and inspiration from the universe around me. Oh, but no! You must grow up! 

    I refuse to grow up. I will always have that child in my heart. That child that would snitch Christmas Cookies with my grandfather at three in the morn. The child who was obsessed with the Grim Reaper on the 1938 version of ‘A Christmas Carol’. The child who yearns to be in the realm of music and imagination because that is where my soul belongs! The ticking of the clock interrupts my thoughts as I sit here. A cat meows from beneath the tree and I give out a smile. “You coming to bed?” My lover asks from a room down the hall. “In a minute.” I look out at the falling snow. Each snow flake a glimpse into Holiday Memories. “Thanks for the memories.” I say to myself, holding up the glass of wine. “Cheers, and happy new year.” I know the memories heard me. I know they appreciate the acknowledgment. I got up picking up the kitten and heading to the bedroom. Time to have sugar plums and fairies dancing in my head. 

R.I.P. to those that are no longer with us on the holiday season.

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2013 in Review

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It’s that time of the year again… where we each take a look back at the years past and deeply think about our choices and where we are currently. I will admit, 2013 has to be the rockiest year I’ve ever had. From arguments, to self struggle, and not to mention a couple break downs a long the way I have finally sorted through it all and feel so much better. With that, let’s take a look at Mercy’s Review of 2013!

  • The beginning of the year started off with friendships ending. Mercy & Luna was a show I did with a good friend of mine at the time. The show fell apart when we both wanted to be heard and in the end it became well, less fun. Our friendship fell apart when I needed someone there the most — I didn’t realize what was going on with me. In the end, I’m glad the friendship died out. It made me realize that it’s a part of life to get rid of people and although the end was horrid, the long friendship that was there had an importance at one point. I am glad that I did have the friendship and I do wish Luna well with all her adventures.
  • My boyfriend moved in last year on Christmas Eve and have had an interesting year not just finding ourselves but finding out where we are relationship wise and together on this big floating rock. There were tears, yelling, hugging, and laughter and I wouldn’t change it for the world! Through this year of emotional turmoil, we’re still with each other and not an ounce of time is wasted on sadness anymore! 
  • 2013 was definitely the year where I started my journey of self discovery. I admitted my faults and acknowledged them, grew from mistakes, and embrace my life instead of killing myself off in a manner that I won’t act upon anything. I had a lot of new experiences, scare a con, meeting new friends, going out a lot more, and embracing my oddities that make me – ME! I am a lovely young woman with a brain full of intellect that I shouldn’t dumb myself down to fit in with people who have caused me grief. I am tolerant, and observant. I am an old soul in a young body. I yearn to learn different cultures and other worlds. Books are my gateway to my soul and I enjoy being me very much. 
  • I started to realize that you need to pick battles and put your foot down. It’s not worth the complete headaches to fight small battles that don’t mean anything in the future. Fighting for a secure future and your dreams is worth more than money could buy! 

 

For what I’ve seen of this year, it’s been meaningful. I needed it to knock me out of what world in my head I was living in and start noticing the world around me in a better manner. Creativity is apart of who I am and it will never be pushed aside again. 2014 is the year of perseverance for me. Goals will be obtained. Failure is not an option. And on top of that my band, Demonic Refusal, will make it’s debut!

 

How was 2013 for you?!

 

– Mercy

Batty Holidays My Dearies!

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Good Evening my devils and ghouls! 

Welcome to my holiday post. I hope you are all well and fantastic. I’m hoping to get a new lining for my coffin this holiday season. ‘Tis the season for people to act like spoiled brats and be greedy little bastards  people! What a wonderful world we live in? I have seen a lot during my part-time job in retail. The way people threaten associates and even managers, put their hands on associates over coupons… it’s completely ridiculous.

Anyway, no ranting today! Today we will talk about Santa Conquers the Martians!

santa-claus-conquers-the-martians

Santa Conquers the Martians is a B-Movie from 1964. I gotta say, it’s one of the funniest films I have in my library. The martians kidnap good ol’ saint nick so he could bring xmas joy to them. The reason why? because their martian children are obsessed with television from Earth. So they kidnap Santa and he goes on an adventure.

I highly recommend this to anyone who needs a bit of goofy von toofy sort of film. Whatever that means… I don’t know.. it’s been a long and dreadful day… anyway, we follow Santa to his toy shop in Mars and watch these men in suits.. I mean Martians, get into horrible squabbles and bring you some joy at it’s idiocy!

 

One of the greatest films in my collection~

 

Hope all is well!

 

-Mercy

Dear Customer

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Dear Customer,

No, I will not accept a $10 off coupon on an item that is $2.88. I will not be giving you the item for free and owing you change. That’s not how it works. I find it ridiculous that you’d go ahead and throw clothing in my face, attempt to spit on me, and start throwing barbies at me because you can’t get your way. You are a grown woman… you should act like it and set an example for children! It takes a 22 year old to tell a grown ass woman that she needs to grow up! Ridiculous behavior!

– Mercy

Mercy’s Macabre?

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Greetings Devils & Ghouls.

I have been putting some thought in re-vamping my youtube and hosting movie nights like they used to back in the day. My goal is to get more comfortable with being creative and comfortable in front of a camera and an audience. I have had this thought for a long while now and I think since the idea has stuck with me… it’s time to roll with it!

I’ll keep updates along the way of when I’ll actually post a video of it. I want it to be as perfect as it can be for the first “episode”. Why? Because I’m quite tired of doing boring videos when I am fully capable of having a great video! This will help me brush up on my skills and be a better creator. In doing videos and music!

Demonic Refusal finally has a drummer. A good friend of ours has offered his time as our drummer and we’re looking forward to getting a jam session in soon.

Feedback from you readers would be appreciated.

Think I should go for it?

– Meryc

Regrets of the Dying

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Hello my devils & ghouls.

Today while I was on the dreaded Facebook I came along this picture:

 

I apologize I forgot the page I found it on!

I apologize I forgot the page I found it on!

 

This post made me think a lot about what we take for granted in life. We sometimes put too much of ourselves up to please others around us and live the life they want for us (which I’m guilty of). We over work ourselves to satisfy the “keep up with the Jones’s” mentality that we’ve been brainwashed in. We tend not to share our honest feelings due to the overly sensitive society we live in. We ignore our friends and become anti-social. And we also tend to keep ourselves in a mentality that isn’t all to helpful.

This of course, is just my opinion / observation.

I know that when it comes to my time on the death bed, I DONOT want any of the above to be coming out of my lips. I want to share stories of grand times, bad times, accomplishments, and failures. I want to be able to pass on wisdom to whomever will be listening there on my death bed. I want to leave a mark that even though you can be a little wonky in the head, you can make a difference in yourself and those around you.

Just recently, I got a part time job to help the family business. I started to make new friends and even bump into old ones! The reconnection with the old friends made me feel good inside! Even though it’s been a long time, we picked up where we left off.

I started to realize how much I let the anxiety and depression get to me. I am missing out on a lot. For the first time in years, I actually sang and played my bass without any worry if I screwed up or not. Why? Because screw ups will show me what I have to work on. I’m NOT perfect. I’ve tried so long to be perfect in someone else’s image. But I’m not going to do that anymore.

Mercy is just Mercy.

And will always be Mercy.

 

I don’t want to have any regrets when I’m Dying… How about you?

 

– Mercy

I’m Back to Blogging!

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Hello my devils and ghouls!

I’m awfully sorry that reality of life has pulled me away from my mediocre blogging. I am proud to announce that I am BACK! And looking forward to blogging, chatting and creating new videos! 

I had quite a set back in my life away from the computer that I had to take time to reflect on issues and find myself. 

I have been found and I’m ready to roll!

 

– Mercy Desdemona