Regrets of the Dying

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Hello my devils & ghouls.

Today while I was on the dreaded Facebook I came along this picture:

 

I apologize I forgot the page I found it on!

I apologize I forgot the page I found it on!

 

This post made me think a lot about what we take for granted in life. We sometimes put too much of ourselves up to please others around us and live the life they want for us (which I’m guilty of). We over work ourselves to satisfy the “keep up with the Jones’s” mentality that we’ve been brainwashed in. We tend not to share our honest feelings due to the overly sensitive society we live in. We ignore our friends and become anti-social. And we also tend to keep ourselves in a mentality that isn’t all to helpful.

This of course, is just my opinion / observation.

I know that when it comes to my time on the death bed, I DONOT want any of the above to be coming out of my lips. I want to share stories of grand times, bad times, accomplishments, and failures. I want to be able to pass on wisdom to whomever will be listening there on my death bed. I want to leave a mark that even though you can be a little wonky in the head, you can make a difference in yourself and those around you.

Just recently, I got a part time job to help the family business. I started to make new friends and even bump into old ones! The reconnection with the old friends made me feel good inside! Even though it’s been a long time, we picked up where we left off.

I started to realize how much I let the anxiety and depression get to me. I am missing out on a lot. For the first time in years, I actually sang and played my bass without any worry if I screwed up or not. Why? Because screw ups will show me what I have to work on. I’m NOT perfect. I’ve tried so long to be perfect in someone else’s image. But I’m not going to do that anymore.

Mercy is just Mercy.

And will always be Mercy.

 

I don’t want to have any regrets when I’m Dying… How about you?

 

– Mercy

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Outdoor Jam Out

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This is a silly jam out video that my love created when his pals were up for a weekend. My love is the one on bass, my brother on the black drum set and his friend on another. They were just messing around. I was talking in the background with his other buddies. But, I have a feeling I’ll be in the next jam out video.

– Mercy

The Waiting Game & More.

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I’m currently playing the waiting game with my financing which is making me incredibly nervous. I had to switch my business opening date from Memorial Day to June. I need to be open at least 2 weeks before 4th of July. It takes 15 – 30 days to receive the funds and my investors told me on Monday they would get back to me in a couple days. I know it’s Wednesday, but I’m getting quite anxious. I am also working hard on my music fest fundraiser along with my boyfriend. That’s coming a long well – only the venue is at a stand still because we have to make sure our date doesn’t interfere with another party.

The waiting game is the absolute worst game to ever have to play. Especially, when it’s about as something as heavy as business financing. I know once the financing is situated, my family and friends can have a celebration of the accomplishment. It’s been so damn long! Every minute feels like an eternity as I wait. I’m very anxious to start my business, music career, and more outside of the web.

Year in Review (So Far):

  • Christmas 2012 – My boyfriend of 5 months moves in with me and meets my family for the first time.
  • The End of the Mercy & Luna Show in January 2013 – This was my first Youtube “show” with a then friend of mine, Luna, which we hosted every weekend. Over time, we could see that we wanted to chase our own life paths and things got rather rocky. Between our time differences, lifestyles, and the fact we weren’t close friends as we once were, the show and the friendship had to end.
  • Unsuccessful Entertainment begins in Feb. 2013 and is still going strong!
  • Dissident Overdrive Music Festival was formed on April 6th 2013 by my boyfriend and myself as a fundraiser for my family’s ice cream parlor business.
  • My love and I will be celebrating our 9 month anniversary.
  • I’ve gotten back into singing training and will pick up bass again once the business is up and going.
  • I’m starting to live for myself and feeling good about myself.

You Just Know…

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So many of us spend too much time wondering what if and doubting the lovely world around us. When something is going great – we tend to look at what could happen instead of the beautiful reality before us. Many people say I’m too young to know my emotions fully and that “living in sin” with my boyfriend is an entirely bad idea. I always get asked: How do you know you want to be with him long term? The thing is, you just know. When you have an argument, you can’t walk away because you’re so worried if the other one is okay. You support them in their time of need, even when times are dark. You become a team of one, instead of two individuals lost within the world. Your souls intertwine at a spiritual level. I may be a young lady. I have much of this world ahead of me. But, I am confident in saying that I know he will always be there. Through the amazing and through the horrid. It’s a feeling within my gut, heart, and soul. It’s an unexplainable connection, which is why it’s so hard to answer the question. It’s one of those things people have to experience first hand!

Don’t be Afraid! Stop What Iff-ing and start living!

Myself and my love.

Myself and my love.

 

We met awhile back and started discussing music, dreams, films, etc. and noticed we had a lot in common. It wasn’t before long, we went from friends to lovers. Even as friends, we could both sense there was something more to the relationship. When angry, we never fail to bring a smile upon our faces. When things are horrid, we keep each other afloat against the waves of the sea of depression. I never thought I could meet someone so dear to me. Feel so much emotion and feel so alive!

After living hours away from each other, we decided to move in together. It was the best thing we could do for our lovely relationship. Why? Because it made us stronger. We no longer had to feel depressed when the other was gone away due to technological difficulties and such.

Our connection is deep and unique. We can feel each others emotions. We instantly know when something is wrong. We walk the same path. Faithfulness and Loyalty is still out there in the sea of the unfaithful. I found my love and you can find yours.

 

 

 

Jesus Christ

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I’m mean.
I’m hateful.
I’m full of sin.

Your cross can’t save me.
From the demon within.

Burn your bible.
Dismiss your tricks.

Your words mean nothing.
Behind a clenched fist.

You worry about my sanity.
When you preach to hate vanity.
Your pope sits on a throne.
The Vatican his home.

You worry about my sanity.
Least I don’t try to be perfect.
For a make believe king in the sky.

I’m mean.
I’m hateful.
I’m full of sin.

Your cross can’t save me.
From the demon within.

Burn your bible.
Dismiss your tricks.

Your words mean nothing.
Behind a clenched fist.

NO! I DON’T HAVE 15 MINUTES TO TALK ABOUT JESUS CHRIST!

© Mercy Desdemona 2013