Battle with Insecurities

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My Battle with Insecurities

Dearest Creeps,

                I thought I would share my experience with insecurities to sort of help people that stumble upon this blog. Please, forgive me for my horrible wording and blunt nature. I just have to be myself, and this blog isn’t an attack on anyone. (It’s sad that now I have to type that disclaimer.) I battled with insecurities for a long time. Mainly because I was uncomfortable with who I was and never showed it to the public eye of what I was going through within my mind, body, and soul. I am a very private individual, only usually sharing my opinions on certain subjects. But, I see a lot of people going through what I had to go through and I don’t want people to almost hit rock bottom like I have.

              I was the person in the back of the classroom, that the teachers didn’t ever know if I was actually present or just skipping school. The bookworm, rocking the “Cousin It” hair do and voted “Most Independent” & “Quietest” in a high school yearbook. I’m a short person, in need of braces, dealing with personal issues at the time and struggles that almost completely devoured my sanity. At first, I didn’t really have a specific outlet for my issues. I didn’t trust the friends that were around me because I was a very untrusting individual when it came to “outsiders” of myself.

              I was a victim of bullying – not only at school, but by my mother at home. I had to deal with feeling completely down about myself almost 24/7. I dumbed myself down so I wouldn’t have to deal with being pushed around. I didn’t want to be the smart kid or the person people pushed around at all. I was hiding who I really was – just to avoid people in general. I wanted nothing to do with the world around me.

           One thing I didn’t realize until my Junior year in high school  – I was my own worst enemy, my own personal bully. I dealt with social anxiety. I didn’t feel confident even doing a book report in front of the class and it was all becuase of what my brain was causing me to think about the audience. The fear over took me and I allowed my grades, friendships, work plummet all becuase of this issue.

          I am proud to say that I am over it. And here is how:

  1. Admit & Realize you are your own worst enemyHardest thing to do in all honesty. Mainly becuase as humans we don’t want to see the faults that we have. We always want to point the finger – and it’s wrong. Yes, there are other factors that can cause you to have a problem. But with insecurities, I found out that the worst enemy was myself! I started actually verbally beating myself down until I was in tears – Without even realizing it was the issue!
  2. Look it Over – Look it over! Picture the issue like a rock in your hands. Flip it over. Look at it all over. Notice what parts are smooth, what parts are rough and unpleasant to the touch. Identify what parts you’d like to smooth out.
  3. Out of the Box – Step out of your comfort zone. Honestly, I had to start making videos and talk more in public to get out of my fears and insecurities. I didn’t think my ideas or thoughts were important or helpful in any situation becuase for so long I was treated like I was the village idiot! Never be ashamed of what skills and thoughts you can offer to the table! We live in a society where intelligence is bashed for absolutely NO REASON!
  4. Find an Outlet/Hobby – I know, I know. This is in all the self-help books and pamphlets. But, honestly it’s quite helpful. I started to express myself through writing and music and picked up photography as a hobby. It helped me control the emotions and keep my mind on a thoughtful and correct track. Not only that, but it helped me build my confidence!
  5. Say your faults outloud! – Go lock yourself in the bathroom. Look at your faults – we all have them becuase we’re human. And mention them to yourself. Why the hell would I have you do this when I said stop bullying yourself? Because in order to be confident about yourself you have to be able to accept the fact that you are a human being. You aren’t perfect. You have faults. Here’s 3 things on my list: I have an overbite, I despise – My nose is crooked from when it was broken – I can be brutally honest and hurt people without realizing.
  6. Accept your faults – Accept you! – Life is too short to allow insecurities to stop you from achieving your dreams, goals and desires. Sometimes it’s up to you to light your own fire beneath yourself to get you going. Accept the fact that you aren’t perfect. That in life you never stop learning. That the world is an interesting place, that can teach us how to move forward instead of repeating history. That you are capable of going on doing your own thing and not have to worry about the asshole trying to knock you down becuase they are forever alone and most likely talk to a stuffed teddy bear named Lou.

I don’t know if my words mean anything to anyone out there in the world. And, I sure as hell am not a professional. I just want to tell you from my eyes and from my experience. If some of these things apply to you and help you – I’m glad. If not, it’s alright to becuase composing this blog post helped myself as an individual.

Never sell yourself into the bully’s word and become what they claim you are!

I must go. My stomach is alerting me that it is in need of some food. Away to the fridge.

Blood & Guts,

Mercy Desdemona

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Machine Regime

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Don’ fear the living dead.

It’s just rotting flesh.

Not a bringer of doom.

Be afraid of the living.

And what they consume.

You gave it life.

You fed it power.

Now it is us,

it shall devour!

Don’t fear a spiritual encounter.

It’s just a human soul.

Fear the man-made machine.

And the technology regime.

You gave it life.

You fed it power.

Now it is us,

it shall devour!

It has superior weaponry.

Making man a mockery.

We are the living zombie.

Sold our soul to technology.

You gave it life.

You fed it power.

Now it is us,

it shall devour!

It sits and waits for the perfect time.

To take a hold, of the world we have bestowed.

Don’t fear the poor.

Fear the elite.

A force still left un-beat.

You gave it life.

You fed it power.

Now it is us,

it shall devour!

– © Mercy Desdemona 2013

Mystic Land

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In the mystic lands.

With food so plenty.

Where mystery creatures,

were once our teachers.

A world where the mind,

was free to fully bloom.

Knowledge was power.

No bias media to consume.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

The heart & soul had reigned on earth.

The mighty evil powers, struck down by the Gods.

Simplicity based.

Born to strive necessity.

Not luxury.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

We live in a world where knowledge is terrorism.

A heart the enemy, people roaming hungry.

The creatures are now extinct.

We’re programmed to think.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

Home is this mystic land.

Where I strive to be.

Oh, take me to this mystic land.

Just please set me free.

Home is this mystic land.

A human being I shall be.

With fields of imagination.

Heaps of creativity.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

Home is this mystic land.

Please take me home.

Where I can roam free.

I want to go home.

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

Anti-Extremist

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I am against extremism. I have people always asking me why I’m Anti-this and Anti-that. I guess, the best way to say what I am is Anti-Extremism. I don’t like extremists for they are bullies. They push their believes, their views, their life on others. They form groups to spread hate for those that are different, to make them feel superior. These are technically the bullies in high school that never grew up.

I am Pro-Choice pertaining to Life itself. If you don’t believe in abortion, Don’t get one. Don’t take the right away for someone that does believe in it. You want don’t want to marry a same-sex partner? Don’t do it. It’s not your business who people love. Don’t like a person’s religious preference? Don’t follow it, follow yours. As long as an individual isn’t out harming the world, what do we care if someone is gay, straight, pro-choice or pro-life, christian or atheist, republican or democrat, liberal or conservative. Who Cares? I say the biggest terrorist of all to life itself is the power hunger extremists. Ruining this beautiful world for the everyday people. For those that truly can co-exist with others and be civil.

The terrorist isn’t the athiest minding their own business at the dollar store because they don’t believe in God. Nor isn’t it the Muslim woman standing in line infront of you at walmart. Nor the gay guy holding his hands with his man out on the town. Nor the woman that chose abortion instead of adoption.

The terrorist and the threat to society is the EXTREMISTS! Who all want power to control the masses because of their PETTY life! They are people in high school that were in the clicks. Picking on the person minding their own business… becasue they don’t know how to grow. They don’t know how to be a strong willed individual. They have no sense of reality becasue they are trapped in “Days of our lives”.

I’m not against religion, gays, repubs, demos, libs, conservs.

I’m against the people that are bullies to the world. That try to conquer the peaceful people. That try to squash the beauty of free thought. That try to squash a human being for being different.

Differences make this world a beautiful place. We don’t have to hate nor be full of love for one another. But, we could just let people live their lives.

– Mercy

“Liberal/conservative” agendas – you’re full of it

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I don’t like to talk politics. Only because it’s one sure way to raise someone’s blood pressure into hysteria. I also DONOT CLAIM to be any form of professional in the political field. As all I do during these sort of talks is listen to people and research here and there and gather thoughts into my own head for my opinion.

For people that say “that damn conservative agenda” or “that damn liberal agenda” I believe you are basically well to put it straight forward full of shit. There may have been a time in history when each wing was DIFFERENT and had good ideals. But what we have today is THE SAME PARTY only keeping the ILLUSION of a DIFFERENCE to keep people divided and conquered.

It would be better if the people would see that and we could actually move forward in life. To repeat history is completely idiotic. Definition of insanity: Repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

So why is it that we’re all insane?

Why is it that those that see this between the lines are seen as people who are mentally ill?

Simple answer. Because we still believe in Right Vs Left. We don’t want to see that it’s the same bull and come together to make a change. Because we’re idiots. Humans are complete idiots. Especially in today’s society where people need a smart phone to put socks on in the morning.

Well, there’s my political stupidity for the week.
Reviews coming up soon! Thanks for all the new comments and follows.
Appreciated very much!

Blood and Guts,

Mercy Desdemona

P.s. This is just priceless:

† 12-21-12 †

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Dear Creeps,

Tomorrow is supposedly doomsday for us all. Them Mayans. How many are left on this planet? Why don’t we go knock on their door and ask them about this? That’s right. Because they couldn’t even predict their own demise.

Doomsday. It’s kind of interesting how people go through life claiming certain days as DOOMSDAY and it NEVER happens. Isn’t the definition of insanity repeating the same thing and expecting a diff. result? Or something along those lines?

Religious nuts are the most depressive people I’ve ever met. They knock on your door – “Do you have five minutes of your time to talk about jesus?” – No not really, but entertain me. – “If you don’t follow him you’ll die and burn in hell 😀 ” – Slam door.- That was enlightening. It seems the more the religious nuts roam free the more Doom and gloom is passed around.

Would it be all that bad if the world did just end? I think not. And if it were to occur, We can’t do anything to stop it.

So shut up, grab a drink, have a BBQ and celebrate the 21st. And if you’d like, I’ll post a link to my live show tomorrow where my friend Luna and I are going to be celebrating national crazy day 🙂

Blood & Guts

Mercy †

Shootings, End of the World, Etc.

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*** Attention: This blog post may or may not stir issues/opinions/emotions and make you wish I was hit by a bus. You have been warned.****

Dearest Creeps,

I would like to take a moment out to discuss my views on the rise of gun crime, religious extremists, and emotions within todays society. Keep in mind that this blog post may cause issues – but I’m not about to sugar coat anything. I’m going to be real and to the point with my opinion and although this post may seem harsh — my heart goes out to all of those that have lost their lives in any manner other than natural causes.
Let’s begin with the rise of gun crimes. I personally believe the rise of gun crime isn’t because we are allowed to have guns — but its the people behind them. We allow people with mental instabilities roam around with the public every day because people see it as inhumane to keep them in institutions where they can receive help and be kept away from endangering the public. A gun is an object that doesn’t decide to kill — the person behind it does. Yes, I do believe in my 2nd amendment right — but what I don’t understand is how people blame the object but not the person behind it. I also think the rise in gun crimes and any crimes for that matter is because the looney’s that are allowed to roam around with the public believe in the “End of the World” conspiracy. So there attitude is just Fuck it. The world is going to end anyway let’s just lose our minds.
The second thing that’s been bugging me is the rise of religious extremists. No, I don’t agree with saying “god” in the pledge because America was built for religious tolerance. You don’t see other religions in the nation forcing you to be under their religion, why force it on others? But these are also the people that believe that Jesus or whatever is going to come down and save them on the 21st and I’ve even heard claims (by religious nut cases in my own family none-the-less) that people will be driving non-stop, regardless of traffic laws so Jesus or God or whatever will save them. I’m pretty sure if you keep driving regardless of laws you will infact see your god and take millions of innocent beings with you.
I love how people in this era seem emotionally detached. They cheat on ones they came to love. Sleep around and try to claim what I call the Pity Party. No one is true and secure. Just insecure people that toss everything away. Even emotions.People are to paranoid to trust so they end up alone popping pills. People are afraid to show emotions because they hide behind electronics. What have we come too?