Battle with Depression

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Depression doesn’t define character of a person. Depression is a sign that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. At least, that’s how it was in my case. I suffered from depression so deep that I didn’t realize how deep it was. I started being negative all the time and dragging people down with me. The cause of my depression was my caring nature. (Wait..what?) Yes. That’s right. My caring nature. I started to be there for people so much that I got consumed in their issues I forgot to pay attention to myself. I started to feel hate towards friends and felt like I wasn’t being heard because when I would try to discuss a situation going on in my life, they would scatter away. Like it never mattered.

After having a falling out with a friend that was someone I saw as a sister, I came to realize that she wasn’t a friend when she uses my depression as a definition of my character. I was wrong to be negative all the time and drag people down with me. But, I suppose that was my cry for help. And when I didn’t receive it, I got frustrated. At first, I tried to justify my actions to this person because I thought since we were friends for a long time we could discuss the matter like adults should. I was wrong. Because instead of seeing that I was dealing with depression, I became defined as a person with poor character.

Depression messes with your brain. It causes you to become paranoid, sad, dreadful, suicidal even. I started having dreams of myself lying cold dead. That was my wake up call. Hitting rock bottom was the hardest thing I had to do as a person. For so long, I was the strong one for people that I neglected my own world to bring me down so much.

The positive side of going through an issue like this, you realize the people that are there for you. Through thick and thin. And you realize who is just dependent on you, on your life. My depression was a negative that I turned into a positive.

I am a very creative individual. A musician, writer, hobbyist photographer. I used to use these creative outlets for my depression all through high school. I always felt unheard and that I didn’t have a life purpose for so long. As college started, I stopped doing these outlets that made me content and sort out my issues. It was the biggest mistake of my life and that is why I took a break from school.

I’ve grown tired as an individual having to justify my actions and my views for people that spit on me when I was on the ground. Yesterday, a letter was written to the individual that was like a sister. The only thing that was received back was how horrible a person I was and negative. No chance to learn who I am as a human being. That folks, is how you know things aren’t worth it.

Depression is a signal that there is something wrong and that your life needs your attention. Don’t brush it off as a grain of salt, and whatever you do, don’t get on anti-depressants (they only mask the problem, they don’t fix the problem. How can you fix the problem when you’re a doped up zombie?)

  1. Don’t be ashamed that you have depression – We all at some point feel the depression blues but we don’t know how to handle it.
  2. Pay attention to yourself – You know yourself better than anybody. If you start thinking thoughts that you don’t usually think or chase away people that you love, you know there’s something not right. You may also feel scared.
  3. Panic Attacks – Panic attacks came along with my depression. It may not for everyone, but that is a clear sign you need to cool it before you go bonkers.
  4. Talk – Talk with those around you. Loved ones, a significant other, friends. Let them know where you’re at. Those that listen will be there to help. Those that turn away weren’t friends anyway.

Here’s the steps I took personally to get over my depression:

  • Say goodbye to people that don’t matter – These are the people that are fraud people in your life.
  • Say goodbye to the past pain – The past is the past. If you keep staying in the past, you will repeat it because your mind is focused upon it. Too many people concentrate on the past, they neglect the present and future.
  • Cut down time on the web & Social Media! – This one I’m keeping bold, because it’s definitely one of the major causes of my depression. Being on the web all the time for college (I was an online student), made me get scooped up in the web too much to the point my life lost it’s oomph! Social Media should be a fun tool to get in touch with people or network. But as a society we get wrapped up in it. Creeps, don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. Only use facebook once a week. See how much more relaxed the world is around you!
  • Start being you! – Start being who you are. Stop trying to be perfect and stop justifying your choices to people. We all make good and bad. Human nature. Move forward!

– Mercy

 

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You Just Know…

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So many of us spend too much time wondering what if and doubting the lovely world around us. When something is going great – we tend to look at what could happen instead of the beautiful reality before us. Many people say I’m too young to know my emotions fully and that “living in sin” with my boyfriend is an entirely bad idea. I always get asked: How do you know you want to be with him long term? The thing is, you just know. When you have an argument, you can’t walk away because you’re so worried if the other one is okay. You support them in their time of need, even when times are dark. You become a team of one, instead of two individuals lost within the world. Your souls intertwine at a spiritual level. I may be a young lady. I have much of this world ahead of me. But, I am confident in saying that I know he will always be there. Through the amazing and through the horrid. It’s a feeling within my gut, heart, and soul. It’s an unexplainable connection, which is why it’s so hard to answer the question. It’s one of those things people have to experience first hand!

Don’t be Afraid! Stop What Iff-ing and start living!

Myself and my love.

Myself and my love.

 

We met awhile back and started discussing music, dreams, films, etc. and noticed we had a lot in common. It wasn’t before long, we went from friends to lovers. Even as friends, we could both sense there was something more to the relationship. When angry, we never fail to bring a smile upon our faces. When things are horrid, we keep each other afloat against the waves of the sea of depression. I never thought I could meet someone so dear to me. Feel so much emotion and feel so alive!

After living hours away from each other, we decided to move in together. It was the best thing we could do for our lovely relationship. Why? Because it made us stronger. We no longer had to feel depressed when the other was gone away due to technological difficulties and such.

Our connection is deep and unique. We can feel each others emotions. We instantly know when something is wrong. We walk the same path. Faithfulness and Loyalty is still out there in the sea of the unfaithful. I found my love and you can find yours.

 

 

 

“Liberal/conservative” agendas – you’re full of it

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I don’t like to talk politics. Only because it’s one sure way to raise someone’s blood pressure into hysteria. I also DONOT CLAIM to be any form of professional in the political field. As all I do during these sort of talks is listen to people and research here and there and gather thoughts into my own head for my opinion.

For people that say “that damn conservative agenda” or “that damn liberal agenda” I believe you are basically well to put it straight forward full of shit. There may have been a time in history when each wing was DIFFERENT and had good ideals. But what we have today is THE SAME PARTY only keeping the ILLUSION of a DIFFERENCE to keep people divided and conquered.

It would be better if the people would see that and we could actually move forward in life. To repeat history is completely idiotic. Definition of insanity: Repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

So why is it that we’re all insane?

Why is it that those that see this between the lines are seen as people who are mentally ill?

Simple answer. Because we still believe in Right Vs Left. We don’t want to see that it’s the same bull and come together to make a change. Because we’re idiots. Humans are complete idiots. Especially in today’s society where people need a smart phone to put socks on in the morning.

Well, there’s my political stupidity for the week.
Reviews coming up soon! Thanks for all the new comments and follows.
Appreciated very much!

Blood and Guts,

Mercy Desdemona

P.s. This is just priceless:

One Step Beyond (T.V. Series Review)

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Dearest Creeps,

Lately, I have been dwelling in the depths of vintage television series. I must say that I am ashamed at myself for almost forgetting one of my favorite vintage television shows:

This television series was the underdog of the popular television series, The Twilight Zone. The original run of this series was from 1959 – 1961. It’s a shame it only had three seasons because it was much different from the Twilight Zone. This series was introduced by John Newland in each episode. Unlike Twilight Zone which was a series composed of fictional science fiction and horror stories to stimulate your brain, One Step Beyond is a show that re-created REAL cases that have been documented. What I like about the show is that they don’t tell you if the tales are true or false. It’s up to the audience to come to their own conclusion and wonder the wonderful question: “What if…” It’s like a constant cliff hanger that would drive a nerd such as myself to research the cases presented for more information to come to a well thought out conclusion.

I always enjoy shows that are based upon documented cases. It’s good to see this series up on Youtube with a channel dedicated to these marvelous episodes. If you like shows such as Twilight Zone, Night Gallery, The Outer Limits, etc. and are a huge vintage nerd, check out the episode below:

Thanks for wasting time with my existence.

Blood & Guts,
Mercy Desdemona