Me Vs. Depression – Daily Blog #1

0

Hello Creeps.

Although this blog is for my reviews and videos, I also would like to take the time out to have something that may help someone if they reach this depression point. I know previously today, I have talked about my depression and a quick list of things I started to do. I want to do a daily blog of my journey through depression as I’m doing it without the use of drugs or professional help. Not that I’m against professional help – but I think after all the help I got through the years, it’s time for me to help myself. I do assure you that if this gets out of hand, I will seek help if needed on an emergency basis.

So, here we go! I’m Mercy. I deal with depression and social anxiety. I’m getting better with my social anxiety. Doing youtube videos and live shows has helped me over come that, but I still get anxiety in my town. Basically because I think it’s some sort of brain morphing. I’ve never been this way, and I want to shed light on who Mercy really is and be confident. My depression has come back full swing. It got to the point where I was throwing things across the room, breaking items, and I would even push my lover out of my way when he would try to hug me. I’ve hit a big rock bottom like never before. I’ve actually just come to realize that I’ve always had a battle with the evil little monster, Depression. It has ruined a lot of chances I had in my life. That an suffocating the spirit inside of me. I’m ashamed of me?! I really honestly had no idea that I was this whole time. Here I thought I was confident, but I turn weak kneed little girl in front of my family and public. The only time I really feel alive is my videos, being with my boyfriend and being with our friends.

I don’t want to be cookie cutter made. I am me. I am different than most people in my family. No, I’m not a whiz at mathematics nor do I find it interesting to repeat the same age old debates on repeat and live in the past. I am me. I was a very creative individual with a headstrong mindset. Over the years, that has seemed to dwindle and I want to bring me to life. I’m a young woman of 21 years of age coming to a revelation like I’m someone with a mid-life crises. I live my life like an elderly individual. I don’t go out to places, I rarely do the things I love anymore and I’m constantly working 24/7 that it’s coming between my relationships.

I know that funding is important to my family’s business. We’re currently waiting the delivery of our funding cards to begin working and moving forward. The problem is that people are anxious, and I have this horrid gift of feeling what people are feeling before they even open their mouths. I can feel all the abundance of emotion. What we need to do right now is deal with the life path the world has given us. My funding advisors have even stated several times, we cannot speed up the process. I don’t know what more everyone wants from me. I just want to continue trucking along and get over this final hump to begin.

So this is where I’m going to blog a bit about my steps and moving forward with depression. Hopefully, I over come it and these posts will be of some use to someone.

Here’s my game plan:

  • Daily walk to post office and deep breathing exercises a long the way.
  • Work from 10 – 2 and 3-6.
  • Have creative hour – take up keyboard, start singing, writing, reading, researching, brainstorming, reviewing!
  • Turn off computer hour – Time to spend with my lover and family if they want too. A chance to say “Ahhh” after working and such.
  • Mirror exercise – Talk to myself in the mirror about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the lovely. Usually done when brushing teeth or hair or after shower.
  • Get back into things that I love and embrace my inner energy.

 

Here we go my creeps.

Blood & Guts,

 

Mercy Desdemona

Advertisements

Where have I Been? *Self Discovery*

0

Hello dear creeps.

I have missed you and I highly doubt you’ve missed my babble. The time has come for music fest to be just around the corner. We have to fix up some loose ends but that’s about it. Next weekend is the first ever Dissident Overdrive Music Festival! I am also hearing from my funding advisor about my business line of credit within the next 24-48 hours! A lot of anxiety, tears, happiness, and over all stressful schizophrenia has brought me to this point. I really hope I hear grand news after all my hard work. I am really anxious to get my proof of funding to hang up on my wall. 

Now that the music fest is underway, I can concentrate more on the ice cream shop. I have to work on a LOT of things. But it will all be taken care of. My brother has been made financial advisor which I think is appropriate since he is a mathematical genius and I’m mathematically challenged. 

Important things I’ve learned in this long, stressful process:

 

  • Pride = DAMAGE!: Having pride is a good thing in some cases, but having so much pride that you’re ashamed of asking for help isn’t good. It will make you a very resentful human being with a bunch of stress and anxiety.
  • Be yourself!:  Be 100% you. Don’t bend over backwards and allow people to walk on you. They get angry with you? So what. You’re being yourself and 100% true.
  • Let Go: Let go of any past experiences that may have made you into something your not. Don’t let the past hold you back from having an amazing future.
  • Surround yourself with a good team: Every person has unique strengths. Find their niche and put them in charge of that. A well-oiled machine goes a lot farther than one that sputters!
  • Confidence is key: Honestly, you can do it. Nay-sayers nay-say because they have nothing else to say. So… yeah. Ditch those lousy people and go for it. You life once. It’s better to have tried than wonder “what if”. 

 

Have a good day creeps.

 

Blood & guts,

Mercy

Creative Minds – “Stop being such a child”

0

Good Evening my creeps.

I would like to take a moment out to discuss one of my biggest pet peeves. When I use my creativity I get told “Stop being such a child.” As if it’s a bad thing to be a creative person within the world. You see, being creative and having an imagination as an adult doesn’t make you less of an adult — it makes you a more successful one. Those “adults” that go around telling the creative people to “stop being such a child” are actually the children. They go through life playing house and doing what they are told they should be doing as an individual their age should be doing.

Without creative people we wouldn’t have technology, advances in life, entertainment, books, music, etc. We would all be bland and boring walking around talking like Charlie Brown’s teacher and hopped up on pills. At 21, I’ve learned a lot from the adults around me. They always tell me the same thing: “Don’t live for others” “Don’t do what I did” “Don’t loose heart” And, it made me realize it’s because they wish they could re-live their youth and do things differently. The shell ages and grows cold. But the soul lasts forever.

Blood & guts

Mercy Desdemona