New Chapter – Out with the Old.

0

New Chapter: 

Step One: Out with the Old

Creeps,

         My belly is full of bats circling around like maniacs as I begin my new chapter in my young life. You all seemed to enjoy my “Battle with Insecurities” blog. I really appreciate all the kind words I get from you followers. To be honest, this blog is helping me towards my goal and each follow, like and comment is really motivational! So thank you lots for taking your time to waste time with my existence.

         This post is going to be a little similar to my insecurities blog. I’ve been struggling with depression, insecurities, and built up anger for some time now and I just noticed last month that I needed to let things go and move on instead of staying in one place. I can’t expect anything of my life if I stay in the same portion – because of pain, anger, insecurities, fears, and the fact that I’m in my comfort zone.

         We’ll talk about what I did to do Step One of the new chapter. I’m going to be writing a “New Chapter” blog once a week. Hopefully, it will help you guys in your endeavors. Step One: Out with the Old! You can’t move forward if you still are stuck with old grievances, situations, etc.

  What I did:

  • Write a letter – whether you decide to send it to recipient or not is up to you, but in my situation I had 5 people that claimed to be dear friends leave me when I was in the dirt. Instead of helping my depression, they beat me down for it. They bullied me and attempted to shape me into their ideals and mannerisms instead of being my friend. I can admit even I was at fault for my poor attitude, but even when I did reach out for help politely, I got spit on. My advice, write a Neutral letter letting all your feelings out. What I mean by neutral is – a letter that won’t spark hard feelings or argument. Be straight and to the point, but in a polite and calm manner. It will be taken a lot more seriously. I sent my letters via facebook to those that beat me down. Whether they read it or not is their option. I say that because I did it for myself and wouldn’t keep any hard feelings within me.
  • Write down goals – Write down your goals in a notebook. My notebook is full of goals and looks like chicken scratch (hopefully you guys have better penmanship!) Writing down your list of goals sounds lame and cheesy but honestly, it gets the brain focused. Here are a few Goals from my list: 1 – Get family business Established. 2 – Practice Vocals. 3 – Write horror script. 4 – Publish a short-story book series (13 books total). 5 – Get my band in order. 6 – Get music store established at a physical building.
  • Look at the people around you – During your depression or time of need, take a good look at the people that stuck by your side. These people are true to your life and will be there anytime. For me, my boyfriend was very helpful in helping me get out of my depression, my father, and my best friend from high school who I hadn’t seen or talked too in 3 years! These people have seen me at my worst and know how to be there for me when I’m in my dark space or my happy space. I thank them very much for the support, help, and care they have given to me!
  • Attack Goal 1 – Start attacking that first goal. It will give you a sense of purpose and pride. Surprisingly, I am working well to getting my family’s business well-established and open by the summer. It’s giving me opportunities that wouldn’t be available to me otherwise! It’s giving me experience and connections within the business community. And most of all, it’s my way of contributing to my family. Starting on that first goal will re-build your confidence! So do it!
  • Embrace being human! – We are human beings. We have ups and downs. Side to sides! Flip flops! Belly Flops! Climbs and falls! It is what is so beautiful about us. Embrace your humanity. Your creativity. Your emotion! Embrace that fact that your tears and laughter are milestones in your life. That your pain is an obstacle to make you a much better human being. Embrace that fact that we too are apart of nature and not a machine. We are part of the seasons, sunsets and sunrises. Full moons that light the night, and the stars above are our souls. We are just human. Nothing wrong with that! (I know I say this frequently in my blog posts like this, but damn it! It’s so important!)

Creeps, I do hope you enjoyed this blog entry and that it was somewhat helpful. Tune in next week as I march over another obstacle and attempt to share with you helpful tips!

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity

-Albert Einsten: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/humanity.html

– Blood & Guts,

Mercy Desdemona of Unsuccessful Entertainment

Advertisements

Back to Vocals!

1

Dear Creeps,

As you may have read in previous self journey blog posts of mine, I was a singer when I was younger. From the age I could talk to about my senior year in high school I sang so much. I ranked 4th in singing competition for my area, sang with the college choir and more. After high school ended, I neglected my vocals due to the tiring ways of college that was bestowed upon me. I honestly, had no idea what a depressive mess I had become without singing as much as I used to. It was my stress relief. My confidant. My friend.

After three years of neglecting my friend, it’s time to get back to vocals! I have to find my range all over again and start from square one. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get a band together and work on some covers of which I’m sure will be posted on the web once perfected. I have to thank my boyfriend for inspiring me to be myself again. The fire inside me was starting to grow dim until I met someone that had the same music dream as I. We work well together and I look forward to getting back into practice and being where I belong.

I also would like to take bass up again. But, that will come after I re-gain my confidence for singing. A part of me died in 2005, when my grandfather passed away. I was really close with the man, and I sang to him three weeks before he died. That was the first time I saw tears in my grandfathers eyes. (He was a stubborn, German man that didn’t show emotion other than wise ass in front of people.) After he had passed, I was saddened by his loss and only sang when it came to specific events for school.

Today, I have been finding my old vocal warm ups and exercises. I have the biggest fear of destroying my voice! That would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. But it’s best to exercise the muscle and get it to where I’d like it and be respectful to my body. Singing will open the world to me again. I feel the fire burning inside me again. I have a confidence yet shyness mixed within. Deep inside, this is the place I want to be. In front of the mic, telling my story for people. Hopefully, touching the emotions within people that listen to me.

I will admit, I have a low confidence because I’m in desperate need of braces. I’m also worried with the jaw problems I’m suffering caused by my uneven teeth will cause singing issues. That is something I do not want. But, I am not going to let this put me down. For three long years I hung up my music creation and became a “desk person”. I am not a desk person. My ambition for life is too powerful to be behind a desk.

This is my quest. To re-gain what I had and to pursue my happy place.

– Mercy Desdemona

Creep Question: Have you ever stopped doing something dear to your heart? Why? Have you ever gone back? If you want to share, feel free to comment below.

Childhood Memory – White Zombie & My first song

0

Hello Creeps.

Whilst at work, I was watching the music video for White Zombie’s More Human than Human. When I was a little girl, I used to hear and watch this video all the time. That is the band that caught my attention with bass. Especially, since a female was on the bass guitar. Me being the little curly haired blonde that I was would secretly pretend I was Sean Yseult.

Image from Google Images.

Image from Google Images.

Yep. Thanks to Sean I was inspired to up the bass. Although it wasn’t easy. I first tried out drums. But drums didn’t feel “me” at all. I felt off. It wasn’t my place nor in my heart. In the school band I was a clarinetist, but at home I would start practicing bass material on this cheapo off-brand bass guitar that was picked up at a fire station garage sale. I’ve always been attracted to the sound of the bass. Whether it’s in a Groovy metal tone such as White Zombie, Heavy Doom like in Type O, and my favorite DISTORTION! For some reason, the sound of the bass felt in my heart. I could relate, pour my heart out and just play for hours.

Old Picture of good ol' Me.

Old Picture of good ol’ Me.

The first song that I came up with was of Halloween creatures. I would stand up in front of my grandma’s dishwasher – so I could see my reflection – and sing as loud and lovely as I could about the moon, the stars, and the “skelskins” (skeletons – gimmie a break! I was 3!). I would continue to sing on about how the creatures weren’t scary at all but how they were my friends. (if that didn’t hint to the fact that I would turn into this:

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

I do not know..)

Back to my tale, I would always sing songs that had a sort of story. All coming from my imagination. As a young adult, I see that I am still that person. Music is my calling and will never leave me. Being a vocalist and bass player means a lot to me. It’s where I know everything is okay. It’s where I know my imagination is still alive within me. Creativity never dies. I am proud to be of the imaginative kind. So many people grow up to become the stereotype that you must let dreams die and sacrifice your well being for it all.

That my friends, isn’t the case. What is the point of living life a lie when you could be living the life you’ve always wanted and enjoy it?

Have a dreadful Thursday mourning.

— Mercy Desdemona —

Mystic Land

0

In the mystic lands.

With food so plenty.

Where mystery creatures,

were once our teachers.

A world where the mind,

was free to fully bloom.

Knowledge was power.

No bias media to consume.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

The heart & soul had reigned on earth.

The mighty evil powers, struck down by the Gods.

Simplicity based.

Born to strive necessity.

Not luxury.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

We live in a world where knowledge is terrorism.

A heart the enemy, people roaming hungry.

The creatures are now extinct.

We’re programmed to think.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

Home is this mystic land.

Where I strive to be.

Oh, take me to this mystic land.

Just please set me free.

Home is this mystic land.

A human being I shall be.

With fields of imagination.

Heaps of creativity.

Where has this mystic land gone?

Why was there only one?

Oh where is this mystic land?

Why are we fed the devil’s hand?

Home is this mystic land.

Please take me home.

Where I can roam free.

I want to go home.

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

A godless socie…

0

A godless society isn’t the bad one. It’s the emotionless, unimaginative, and robotic society that is the bad. It’s also a danger to humanity.

I was doing some critical thinking with my boyfriend today, and I said this. Thought it would be could to post up. What are your thoughts on the matter? 

I for one believe that mythologies and urban legends were tools to shape us to be caring human beings. That polytheism showed the strength of working in numbers, instead of the a one realm leader dictating all.

I hope when it is my turn to pass on, I will be in the mystic land. My lovely Utopia.

– Mercy

Post-Mortem Photography

0

What is post-mortem photography?

Post mortem photography is the taking a photo of a loved on. Usually they are propped up to look alive while the family or individuals pose with them or they are given the aspect that they are soundly asleep lost in dream land. According to my research, it was quite popular during the Victorian Era.

Why do it?

A memorial to the loved ones passed.

Is it still around today?

The answer is yes. In a few places around the world this practice is still done today. The popularity however has gone down due to the fact that instead of viewing this as a piece of memory – society has made it into a dark/creepy/serial killer sort of thing. When in reality, that’s not what it is.

My views on Post Mortem Photography:

I don’t have an issue with it. If you take your time to Google images (I wont post them here in case individuals that read this are sensitive to the imagery), you can see how lovely the photographs are. Most of the time you can’t even tell the person is deceased. It’s an art-like way to pay homage to the darling that has passed. It doesn’t make you a sick individual for wanting one last image with your family. Or maybe that’s just me. I think our modern society has the strong ability to take something so human and lovely and make it into something ugly and horrid.