Land of Imagination






Three things that I think are important to everyday life. Why do we live in a world where we are ashamed to be of a creative heart? Where the imagination of an innocent child is seen as a mental disorder? And that those that show emotion are weak?

We should be more imaginative, more creative, and emotional.

We should embrace it all.



Depression Update


Hey Creeps!

My depression and anxiety has been making a come back. So let’s see if I can listen to my own advice when it comes to this.

Below are the steps that I have started taking to get in control of my depression. I refuse anti-depressants – as all they do is make me a zombie and even more depressed. Nature is my force.


  • Depression Journal – Vent it out!
  • Creativity – Have a creative hour or 1/2 hour (depending on the day!) to let energy flow and allow brain to relax. Music and writing are my forms of meditation.
  • Walking – Going for a daily stroll with my beloved and have it not be about venting time.
  • Mirror Time – Giving myself positive feedback in the mirror.

Those are my beginning steps. Cheers to moving forward and battling this demon.

– Mercy

Hello Creeps


Last Saturday was the music fest and it was a success. I was happy to do it and I made some new friends with my boyfriends pals. 

Lately, I’ve been on an emotionally swing lately. My depression and anxiety are at it’s high. I got super angry a lot lately and it’s starting to feel like I’m the damn hulk. 

I think it’s time I just let all this built up anger out. I can’t take it anymore.


has anyone else dealt with this?

Instrumentals & the human connection. [Opinion]


I am quite fond of instrumentals.

Especially when I feel that the music can tell a story. Fill a void within your body. Stir up a feeling of emotion. Music makes us feel human. No matter who we are, we get lost in music. We can feel it grip us. Instrumentals I feel have a deeper connection to us. Why? Because it’s just the instrumentation connecting with us. Leaving it up to us to interpret the story and cause a curiosity – bring about a world of fantasy and imagination!

When I need to break away from reality, my favorite instrumentals are my key. It’s funny how I interpret the songs – even when heard plenty of times – a different way depending on my emotion that day. I feel very fortunate to have this confidence and connection with my humanity. Many people deprive themselves of this marvelous and curious connection.

I have to thank music for being my confidant for so long and my companion to keep me keyed into humanity. To keep me from shedding my humanity shell and to chase after my dreams. It gave me self empowerment. Hope. Love. Hate. Pain. Good. Evil. It gave me a connection to the natural world.

This is my opinion on instrumentals.

What is yours?

– Mercy


Recommended Instrumentals:

Nosferatu by Minnie d’Arc Feat. Val Purgis (Recommend)


Hello my creeps!

A friend of mine shared a song by one of her friends to take a listen and I thought that I would share it with you guys. For those of you that are into alternative/Gothic Rock this is perfect for you! Naturally, me being fond of strong vocals definitely fell in love with this track. The voice is soothing and full of emotion while telling a tale of vampires and love. The blend of the harpsichord within the music takes me back in time (and gives me a hankering for tea!).

If you’d like to check it out feel free to check out this link:


And pass it along to fellow creeps that enjoy being in the shadows.

– Mercy



A Day Out & More (Photography & Blog)


Hello Creeps.

I have to say, I’ve enjoyed the somewhat decent weather lately that allows me to go out and about with my love and capture photographs. I have been very stressed lately looking for a co-signer that not only is willing to do such, but also be able to qualify. I’m certain that I have two people available but they are leery about it. Only because of my age. They are flesh and blood, and they are discriminating against my age! I will have it settled promptly though. I have a feeling this snag will be over promptly! And for the better!

My music festival is coming along great! What I hate is that I’m working in a small time frame! I despise working on things in a small time frame because it has to be put together at a quick rate! But, I know I can make this a success. My boyfriend has had experience in creating festivals first hand. So between the two of us, we can make this a reality! This music festival will feature my band, Fatal Fury, as the headliners! It will be our first appearance! Hopefully, we will raise funds and awareness to my ice cream venture! That’s the main reason for this festival! Also, I want to make this festival a Yearly festival sponsored by my ice cream shop! These are my goals and I can assure you I will most definitely achieve them! So far, we have come up with the name: Dissident Overdrive Music Festival. This festival isn’t just a fundraiser, but it helps promote local talents/bands and businesses. It’s about the strength in a community and it is the FIRST festival to ever take place in my area. Talk about pressure to make it great! So far, I have 3 choices for venues that I have to call tomorrow to book the date. Second step, is to pass around the flyers and raise awareness! My heart and soul is going both into this festival and my family’s business. The business will help my family in their successes! Co-signer will happen as I’m offering it as an investment into the company and offer payment for their time as a temporary co-signer. 🙂

Today, my love and I had the pleasure of strolling down the street for some lovely soda pop and took a few pictures. We found some old ruins by one of the cemeteries that we frequent. It was a lovely but FREEZING stroll as we have a winter snow warning in April. (Welcome to New York!) For some reason, when I hear songs with a groovy beat I feel like dancing like the go-go dancers in the 60s. You know, when it was freestyle dancing and not hoochie mc hooch hooch. Anyways, below are some photographs (unedited!) that we took today!

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013


© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013


© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013


© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013


© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013




© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013







Battle with Depression


Depression doesn’t define character of a person. Depression is a sign that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. At least, that’s how it was in my case. I suffered from depression so deep that I didn’t realize how deep it was. I started being negative all the time and dragging people down with me. The cause of my depression was my caring nature. (Wait..what?) Yes. That’s right. My caring nature. I started to be there for people so much that I got consumed in their issues I forgot to pay attention to myself. I started to feel hate towards friends and felt like I wasn’t being heard because when I would try to discuss a situation going on in my life, they would scatter away. Like it never mattered.

After having a falling out with a friend that was someone I saw as a sister, I came to realize that she wasn’t a friend when she uses my depression as a definition of my character. I was wrong to be negative all the time and drag people down with me. But, I suppose that was my cry for help. And when I didn’t receive it, I got frustrated. At first, I tried to justify my actions to this person because I thought since we were friends for a long time we could discuss the matter like adults should. I was wrong. Because instead of seeing that I was dealing with depression, I became defined as a person with poor character.

Depression messes with your brain. It causes you to become paranoid, sad, dreadful, suicidal even. I started having dreams of myself lying cold dead. That was my wake up call. Hitting rock bottom was the hardest thing I had to do as a person. For so long, I was the strong one for people that I neglected my own world to bring me down so much.

The positive side of going through an issue like this, you realize the people that are there for you. Through thick and thin. And you realize who is just dependent on you, on your life. My depression was a negative that I turned into a positive.

I am a very creative individual. A musician, writer, hobbyist photographer. I used to use these creative outlets for my depression all through high school. I always felt unheard and that I didn’t have a life purpose for so long. As college started, I stopped doing these outlets that made me content and sort out my issues. It was the biggest mistake of my life and that is why I took a break from school.

I’ve grown tired as an individual having to justify my actions and my views for people that spit on me when I was on the ground. Yesterday, a letter was written to the individual that was like a sister. The only thing that was received back was how horrible a person I was and negative. No chance to learn who I am as a human being. That folks, is how you know things aren’t worth it.

Depression is a signal that there is something wrong and that your life needs your attention. Don’t brush it off as a grain of salt, and whatever you do, don’t get on anti-depressants (they only mask the problem, they don’t fix the problem. How can you fix the problem when you’re a doped up zombie?)

  1. Don’t be ashamed that you have depression – We all at some point feel the depression blues but we don’t know how to handle it.
  2. Pay attention to yourself – You know yourself better than anybody. If you start thinking thoughts that you don’t usually think or chase away people that you love, you know there’s something not right. You may also feel scared.
  3. Panic Attacks – Panic attacks came along with my depression. It may not for everyone, but that is a clear sign you need to cool it before you go bonkers.
  4. Talk – Talk with those around you. Loved ones, a significant other, friends. Let them know where you’re at. Those that listen will be there to help. Those that turn away weren’t friends anyway.

Here’s the steps I took personally to get over my depression:

  • Say goodbye to people that don’t matter – These are the people that are fraud people in your life.
  • Say goodbye to the past pain – The past is the past. If you keep staying in the past, you will repeat it because your mind is focused upon it. Too many people concentrate on the past, they neglect the present and future.
  • Cut down time on the web & Social Media! – This one I’m keeping bold, because it’s definitely one of the major causes of my depression. Being on the web all the time for college (I was an online student), made me get scooped up in the web too much to the point my life lost it’s oomph! Social Media should be a fun tool to get in touch with people or network. But as a society we get wrapped up in it. Creeps, don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. Only use facebook once a week. See how much more relaxed the world is around you!
  • Start being you! – Start being who you are. Stop trying to be perfect and stop justifying your choices to people. We all make good and bad. Human nature. Move forward!

– Mercy


New Chapter – Out with the Old.


New Chapter: 

Step One: Out with the Old


         My belly is full of bats circling around like maniacs as I begin my new chapter in my young life. You all seemed to enjoy my “Battle with Insecurities” blog. I really appreciate all the kind words I get from you followers. To be honest, this blog is helping me towards my goal and each follow, like and comment is really motivational! So thank you lots for taking your time to waste time with my existence.

         This post is going to be a little similar to my insecurities blog. I’ve been struggling with depression, insecurities, and built up anger for some time now and I just noticed last month that I needed to let things go and move on instead of staying in one place. I can’t expect anything of my life if I stay in the same portion – because of pain, anger, insecurities, fears, and the fact that I’m in my comfort zone.

         We’ll talk about what I did to do Step One of the new chapter. I’m going to be writing a “New Chapter” blog once a week. Hopefully, it will help you guys in your endeavors. Step One: Out with the Old! You can’t move forward if you still are stuck with old grievances, situations, etc.

  What I did:

  • Write a letter – whether you decide to send it to recipient or not is up to you, but in my situation I had 5 people that claimed to be dear friends leave me when I was in the dirt. Instead of helping my depression, they beat me down for it. They bullied me and attempted to shape me into their ideals and mannerisms instead of being my friend. I can admit even I was at fault for my poor attitude, but even when I did reach out for help politely, I got spit on. My advice, write a Neutral letter letting all your feelings out. What I mean by neutral is – a letter that won’t spark hard feelings or argument. Be straight and to the point, but in a polite and calm manner. It will be taken a lot more seriously. I sent my letters via facebook to those that beat me down. Whether they read it or not is their option. I say that because I did it for myself and wouldn’t keep any hard feelings within me.
  • Write down goals – Write down your goals in a notebook. My notebook is full of goals and looks like chicken scratch (hopefully you guys have better penmanship!) Writing down your list of goals sounds lame and cheesy but honestly, it gets the brain focused. Here are a few Goals from my list: 1 – Get family business Established. 2 – Practice Vocals. 3 – Write horror script. 4 – Publish a short-story book series (13 books total). 5 – Get my band in order. 6 – Get music store established at a physical building.
  • Look at the people around you – During your depression or time of need, take a good look at the people that stuck by your side. These people are true to your life and will be there anytime. For me, my boyfriend was very helpful in helping me get out of my depression, my father, and my best friend from high school who I hadn’t seen or talked too in 3 years! These people have seen me at my worst and know how to be there for me when I’m in my dark space or my happy space. I thank them very much for the support, help, and care they have given to me!
  • Attack Goal 1 – Start attacking that first goal. It will give you a sense of purpose and pride. Surprisingly, I am working well to getting my family’s business well-established and open by the summer. It’s giving me opportunities that wouldn’t be available to me otherwise! It’s giving me experience and connections within the business community. And most of all, it’s my way of contributing to my family. Starting on that first goal will re-build your confidence! So do it!
  • Embrace being human! – We are human beings. We have ups and downs. Side to sides! Flip flops! Belly Flops! Climbs and falls! It is what is so beautiful about us. Embrace your humanity. Your creativity. Your emotion! Embrace that fact that your tears and laughter are milestones in your life. That your pain is an obstacle to make you a much better human being. Embrace that fact that we too are apart of nature and not a machine. We are part of the seasons, sunsets and sunrises. Full moons that light the night, and the stars above are our souls. We are just human. Nothing wrong with that! (I know I say this frequently in my blog posts like this, but damn it! It’s so important!)

Creeps, I do hope you enjoyed this blog entry and that it was somewhat helpful. Tune in next week as I march over another obstacle and attempt to share with you helpful tips!

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity

-Albert Einsten:

– Blood & Guts,

Mercy Desdemona of Unsuccessful Entertainment

Back to Vocals!


Dear Creeps,

As you may have read in previous self journey blog posts of mine, I was a singer when I was younger. From the age I could talk to about my senior year in high school I sang so much. I ranked 4th in singing competition for my area, sang with the college choir and more. After high school ended, I neglected my vocals due to the tiring ways of college that was bestowed upon me. I honestly, had no idea what a depressive mess I had become without singing as much as I used to. It was my stress relief. My confidant. My friend.

After three years of neglecting my friend, it’s time to get back to vocals! I have to find my range all over again and start from square one. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get a band together and work on some covers of which I’m sure will be posted on the web once perfected. I have to thank my boyfriend for inspiring me to be myself again. The fire inside me was starting to grow dim until I met someone that had the same music dream as I. We work well together and I look forward to getting back into practice and being where I belong.

I also would like to take bass up again. But, that will come after I re-gain my confidence for singing. A part of me died in 2005, when my grandfather passed away. I was really close with the man, and I sang to him three weeks before he died. That was the first time I saw tears in my grandfathers eyes. (He was a stubborn, German man that didn’t show emotion other than wise ass in front of people.) After he had passed, I was saddened by his loss and only sang when it came to specific events for school.

Today, I have been finding my old vocal warm ups and exercises. I have the biggest fear of destroying my voice! That would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. But it’s best to exercise the muscle and get it to where I’d like it and be respectful to my body. Singing will open the world to me again. I feel the fire burning inside me again. I have a confidence yet shyness mixed within. Deep inside, this is the place I want to be. In front of the mic, telling my story for people. Hopefully, touching the emotions within people that listen to me.

I will admit, I have a low confidence because I’m in desperate need of braces. I’m also worried with the jaw problems I’m suffering caused by my uneven teeth will cause singing issues. That is something I do not want. But, I am not going to let this put me down. For three long years I hung up my music creation and became a “desk person”. I am not a desk person. My ambition for life is too powerful to be behind a desk.

This is my quest. To re-gain what I had and to pursue my happy place.

– Mercy Desdemona

Creep Question: Have you ever stopped doing something dear to your heart? Why? Have you ever gone back? If you want to share, feel free to comment below.

Childhood Memory – White Zombie & My first song


Hello Creeps.

Whilst at work, I was watching the music video for White Zombie’s More Human than Human. When I was a little girl, I used to hear and watch this video all the time. That is the band that caught my attention with bass. Especially, since a female was on the bass guitar. Me being the little curly haired blonde that I was would secretly pretend I was Sean Yseult.

Image from Google Images.

Image from Google Images.

Yep. Thanks to Sean I was inspired to up the bass. Although it wasn’t easy. I first tried out drums. But drums didn’t feel “me” at all. I felt off. It wasn’t my place nor in my heart. In the school band I was a clarinetist, but at home I would start practicing bass material on this cheapo off-brand bass guitar that was picked up at a fire station garage sale. I’ve always been attracted to the sound of the bass. Whether it’s in a Groovy metal tone such as White Zombie, Heavy Doom like in Type O, and my favorite DISTORTION! For some reason, the sound of the bass felt in my heart. I could relate, pour my heart out and just play for hours.

Old Picture of good ol' Me.

Old Picture of good ol’ Me.

The first song that I came up with was of Halloween creatures. I would stand up in front of my grandma’s dishwasher – so I could see my reflection – and sing as loud and lovely as I could about the moon, the stars, and the “skelskins” (skeletons – gimmie a break! I was 3!). I would continue to sing on about how the creatures weren’t scary at all but how they were my friends. (if that didn’t hint to the fact that I would turn into this:

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

© Mercy Desdemona 2013

I do not know..)

Back to my tale, I would always sing songs that had a sort of story. All coming from my imagination. As a young adult, I see that I am still that person. Music is my calling and will never leave me. Being a vocalist and bass player means a lot to me. It’s where I know everything is okay. It’s where I know my imagination is still alive within me. Creativity never dies. I am proud to be of the imaginative kind. So many people grow up to become the stereotype that you must let dreams die and sacrifice your well being for it all.

That my friends, isn’t the case. What is the point of living life a lie when you could be living the life you’ve always wanted and enjoy it?

Have a dreadful Thursday mourning.

— Mercy Desdemona —