Crowd funding – Contribute Here!

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Hello Creeps.

I would like to announce that I now have an indiegogo account to help raise funds for my family’s ice cream shop. Banks were to no avail and now it’s time for me to reach out!

http://igg.me/p/411118/x/2742769 — Here we have my indiegogo account – check it out and spread it around! It is important for me to raise money necessary to open. While the music fest will help in it’s own way, it won’t be enough to open my doors.

 

Thank you for your time.

– Mercy

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The Waiting Game & More.

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I’m currently playing the waiting game with my financing which is making me incredibly nervous. I had to switch my business opening date from Memorial Day to June. I need to be open at least 2 weeks before 4th of July. It takes 15 – 30 days to receive the funds and my investors told me on Monday they would get back to me in a couple days. I know it’s Wednesday, but I’m getting quite anxious. I am also working hard on my music fest fundraiser along with my boyfriend. That’s coming a long well – only the venue is at a stand still because we have to make sure our date doesn’t interfere with another party.

The waiting game is the absolute worst game to ever have to play. Especially, when it’s about as something as heavy as business financing. I know once the financing is situated, my family and friends can have a celebration of the accomplishment. It’s been so damn long! Every minute feels like an eternity as I wait. I’m very anxious to start my business, music career, and more outside of the web.

Year in Review (So Far):

  • Christmas 2012 – My boyfriend of 5 months moves in with me and meets my family for the first time.
  • The End of the Mercy & Luna Show in January 2013 – This was my first Youtube “show” with a then friend of mine, Luna, which we hosted every weekend. Over time, we could see that we wanted to chase our own life paths and things got rather rocky. Between our time differences, lifestyles, and the fact we weren’t close friends as we once were, the show and the friendship had to end.
  • Unsuccessful Entertainment begins in Feb. 2013 and is still going strong!
  • Dissident Overdrive Music Festival was formed on April 6th 2013 by my boyfriend and myself as a fundraiser for my family’s ice cream parlor business.
  • My love and I will be celebrating our 9 month anniversary.
  • I’ve gotten back into singing training and will pick up bass again once the business is up and going.
  • I’m starting to live for myself and feeling good about myself.

Dream Moods – My dream last night…

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Suicide
To dream that you commit suicide represents your desperate desire to escape from your waking life. You may be harboring feelings of guilt that you cannot get over and thus turning the aggression on yourself. You need to start approaching problems from a different angle. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself and hello to a whole new you. It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life

 

Killing
To dream that you kill someone indicates that you are on the verge of losing your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards him or her in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed. Identify the characteristics of this person and ask yourself which of these qualities you are trying to put an end to.

To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of the old parts and old habits. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down or betrayed by someone in your waking life. You are feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed.

 

Killing
To dream that you kill someone indicates that you are on the verge of losing your temper and self-control. Consider the person you have killed and ask yourself if you feel any rage towards him or her in your waking life. Your dream may be expressing some hidden anger. Alternatively, you may be trying to kill an aspect of yourself that is represented by the person killed. Identify the characteristics of this person and ask yourself which of these qualities you are trying to put an end to.

To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of the old parts and old habits. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down or betrayed by someone in your waking life. You are feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed.

 

 

 

Hmmm…. seems legit.

 

http://www.dreammoods.com

Dream – Positive Ouija Board & The Stranger – What does it mean?

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Hey Creeps. 

Last night, despite my over stressing, I slept very well. Honestly, it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to someone that barely sleeps ever. I slept so good and woke up with high spirits! 

My dream: 

In my dream, I started off sitting on my lawn and a stranger came up to me. She was a woman of about 45 and dressed in women’s clothing from 1700s. She smiled at me and took my hand. 

Part One: I was dreaming about the business. I was at a meeting with people I didn’t know. it was some committee and I had to prove that I was worth the risk to loan me business credit. After the meeting, I had a smile on my face and a ouija board popped up in my dream. It kept saying positive messages such as yes, forward, accomplish, and the company of which I’m seeking a loan from. Anyone know what this part means?

Part two: My boyfriend and I were on the road together. In a band with some of his pals he recently re-connected with. We were having a good time. This girl tried to come between us but failed and he kept announcing how we’re together forever. She kept trying because she used to be associated with him in the past but she never succeeded and it all of a sudden started to flash before my eyes. All good memories and events that happen to us in our journey together. Two orbs came out of our bodies and intertwined. What does that mean?

Part 3: The positive ouija board came out again. With words of encouragement. Esther is the woman’s name. She says she’s my spirit guide and but couldn’t speak so she spelled out. She wanted me to feel better and know I’m on the right track. 

 

 

– I researched the name Esther circa 1700s… she used to live on my property. One of the first people to be in my town. She claimed in my dream to have been watching me a long time and she will guide the way. 

 

– What does this dream all mean?!

I have had positive energy and a smile on my face ever since the dream. I couldn’t stop smiling even when I try. What is going on?!

 

 

New Chapter – Out with the Old.

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New Chapter: 

Step One: Out with the Old

Creeps,

         My belly is full of bats circling around like maniacs as I begin my new chapter in my young life. You all seemed to enjoy my “Battle with Insecurities” blog. I really appreciate all the kind words I get from you followers. To be honest, this blog is helping me towards my goal and each follow, like and comment is really motivational! So thank you lots for taking your time to waste time with my existence.

         This post is going to be a little similar to my insecurities blog. I’ve been struggling with depression, insecurities, and built up anger for some time now and I just noticed last month that I needed to let things go and move on instead of staying in one place. I can’t expect anything of my life if I stay in the same portion – because of pain, anger, insecurities, fears, and the fact that I’m in my comfort zone.

         We’ll talk about what I did to do Step One of the new chapter. I’m going to be writing a “New Chapter” blog once a week. Hopefully, it will help you guys in your endeavors. Step One: Out with the Old! You can’t move forward if you still are stuck with old grievances, situations, etc.

  What I did:

  • Write a letter – whether you decide to send it to recipient or not is up to you, but in my situation I had 5 people that claimed to be dear friends leave me when I was in the dirt. Instead of helping my depression, they beat me down for it. They bullied me and attempted to shape me into their ideals and mannerisms instead of being my friend. I can admit even I was at fault for my poor attitude, but even when I did reach out for help politely, I got spit on. My advice, write a Neutral letter letting all your feelings out. What I mean by neutral is – a letter that won’t spark hard feelings or argument. Be straight and to the point, but in a polite and calm manner. It will be taken a lot more seriously. I sent my letters via facebook to those that beat me down. Whether they read it or not is their option. I say that because I did it for myself and wouldn’t keep any hard feelings within me.
  • Write down goals – Write down your goals in a notebook. My notebook is full of goals and looks like chicken scratch (hopefully you guys have better penmanship!) Writing down your list of goals sounds lame and cheesy but honestly, it gets the brain focused. Here are a few Goals from my list: 1 – Get family business Established. 2 – Practice Vocals. 3 – Write horror script. 4 – Publish a short-story book series (13 books total). 5 – Get my band in order. 6 – Get music store established at a physical building.
  • Look at the people around you – During your depression or time of need, take a good look at the people that stuck by your side. These people are true to your life and will be there anytime. For me, my boyfriend was very helpful in helping me get out of my depression, my father, and my best friend from high school who I hadn’t seen or talked too in 3 years! These people have seen me at my worst and know how to be there for me when I’m in my dark space or my happy space. I thank them very much for the support, help, and care they have given to me!
  • Attack Goal 1 – Start attacking that first goal. It will give you a sense of purpose and pride. Surprisingly, I am working well to getting my family’s business well-established and open by the summer. It’s giving me opportunities that wouldn’t be available to me otherwise! It’s giving me experience and connections within the business community. And most of all, it’s my way of contributing to my family. Starting on that first goal will re-build your confidence! So do it!
  • Embrace being human! – We are human beings. We have ups and downs. Side to sides! Flip flops! Belly Flops! Climbs and falls! It is what is so beautiful about us. Embrace your humanity. Your creativity. Your emotion! Embrace that fact that your tears and laughter are milestones in your life. That your pain is an obstacle to make you a much better human being. Embrace that fact that we too are apart of nature and not a machine. We are part of the seasons, sunsets and sunrises. Full moons that light the night, and the stars above are our souls. We are just human. Nothing wrong with that! (I know I say this frequently in my blog posts like this, but damn it! It’s so important!)

Creeps, I do hope you enjoyed this blog entry and that it was somewhat helpful. Tune in next week as I march over another obstacle and attempt to share with you helpful tips!

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity

-Albert Einsten: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/humanity.html

– Blood & Guts,

Mercy Desdemona of Unsuccessful Entertainment

Back to Vocals!

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Dear Creeps,

As you may have read in previous self journey blog posts of mine, I was a singer when I was younger. From the age I could talk to about my senior year in high school I sang so much. I ranked 4th in singing competition for my area, sang with the college choir and more. After high school ended, I neglected my vocals due to the tiring ways of college that was bestowed upon me. I honestly, had no idea what a depressive mess I had become without singing as much as I used to. It was my stress relief. My confidant. My friend.

After three years of neglecting my friend, it’s time to get back to vocals! I have to find my range all over again and start from square one. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get a band together and work on some covers of which I’m sure will be posted on the web once perfected. I have to thank my boyfriend for inspiring me to be myself again. The fire inside me was starting to grow dim until I met someone that had the same music dream as I. We work well together and I look forward to getting back into practice and being where I belong.

I also would like to take bass up again. But, that will come after I re-gain my confidence for singing. A part of me died in 2005, when my grandfather passed away. I was really close with the man, and I sang to him three weeks before he died. That was the first time I saw tears in my grandfathers eyes. (He was a stubborn, German man that didn’t show emotion other than wise ass in front of people.) After he had passed, I was saddened by his loss and only sang when it came to specific events for school.

Today, I have been finding my old vocal warm ups and exercises. I have the biggest fear of destroying my voice! That would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. But it’s best to exercise the muscle and get it to where I’d like it and be respectful to my body. Singing will open the world to me again. I feel the fire burning inside me again. I have a confidence yet shyness mixed within. Deep inside, this is the place I want to be. In front of the mic, telling my story for people. Hopefully, touching the emotions within people that listen to me.

I will admit, I have a low confidence because I’m in desperate need of braces. I’m also worried with the jaw problems I’m suffering caused by my uneven teeth will cause singing issues. That is something I do not want. But, I am not going to let this put me down. For three long years I hung up my music creation and became a “desk person”. I am not a desk person. My ambition for life is too powerful to be behind a desk.

This is my quest. To re-gain what I had and to pursue my happy place.

– Mercy Desdemona

Creep Question: Have you ever stopped doing something dear to your heart? Why? Have you ever gone back? If you want to share, feel free to comment below.

Dreams

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Dreams are an interesting thing. It helps us figure out issues that have been bothering us, or bringing about a new point of view to the situation we’re in. Last night’s dream was so full of emotion that I can’t even begin to sort it out. I thought I’d start off my Monday by getting this dream off my chest because it’s caused a bit of confusion.

The dream was split up into three parts as so:

  1. I was sitting on a swing that was hanging from a tree in the middle of a large grassy field. It was near sunset and the breeze was warm and cool at the same time. My love came to join me upon the swing next to me. We held each other’s hands and just watched the sunset in a relaxed state. The scene then moved to a castle upon a hill by a dark ocean. The moon’s reflection ever so perfect upon the waves. My love and I were the owners of the castle. We spent our lives composing music in the night. I felt nothing but contentment.
  2. I’m at my house. The wind is heavy against the windows. I try calling out for my father but he’s no where to be found. I feel a sense of worry in my gut. My boyfriend and my brother are working hard in the shop. News of a fresh snow is coming again. The freezers and food is a shortage. I keep asking them where dad is and they keep looking at me like I missed something. I go in the house, my grandma isn’t there either. Her stuff is gone as if she’s passed on. My dad’s girlfriend is in the bedroom with the flu. I look around the house for my father and he’s no where to be found. His belongings packed in the basement as if they were a box of memories. I run outside because I need help and I needed to talk to my father. My boyfriend kisses me and tells me dad is gone. The sky stays gray.
  3. This part was weird and jumbled up. A person I don’t know came over to my house for dinner. She was a woman with curly blonde hair, in an up do. She was wearing a white dress, it looked like something a woman from the 1920s would wear. I didn’t like this person. It went black for a moment and I had blood everywhere. I chopped up the person and put them under my bed. A girl I went to school with was talking to me, saying I’m a good person and trustworthy, I started to get worried that she would look under my bed, so i took the body out back and buried it. I lit a candle in remembrance and said, ‘It’s time for me to be me.’

I went to google ‘Dream Moods’ and this is their interpretation for each section:

  1. Musical Instruments 
    To see musical instruments in your dream indicate the expectation of fun and pleasures. You are focused on enjoying life and all that it has to offer. The dream also represents your talents and your ability to communicate with others. Certain musical instruments are symbolic of sexual organs and thus point to your sexuality.�If you play a musical instrument in your waking life, then the dream may serve as a rehearsal to improve your technique. Also: Music 
    To hear harmonious and soothing music in your dream signifies prosperity and pleasure. You are expressing your emotions in a positive way. Music serves to heal the soul.
  2. Death 
    To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, the dream indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life anymore.�In particular, to dream about the death of your living parents indicates that you are undergoing a significant change in your waking life. Your relationship with your parents has evolved into a new realm.
  3. Murder 

To dream that you have committed a murder indicates that you are putting an end to an old habit and a former way of thinking. This could also refer to an end to an addiction. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you have some repressed aggression or rage at yourself or at someone. Note also that dreams of murder occur frequently during periods of depression.

Resource: http://www.dreammoods.com/

 

My interpretations: 

  1. I feel that I finally have someone I can trust that isn’t family. It took me a long time to find a special person. The castle and such I’ve seen plenty of times before and see it as my Utopia (where I believe we all go when we die.). To see my love with me in my Utopia makes me happy and feel at peace. I don’t need to worry because he truly has my back in every situation. 
  2. I don’t see the death of my father as a negative. I agree with the interpretation. It’s a new beginning in the relationship. It’s my turn to step up and take charge. Show him that I can handle the world in case of an emergency situation. I was devastated because I missed the childhood times and jokes that have to be locked away in a box of memories. 
  3. I am a natural blonde, with curly hair. I have an obsession with the 1920s. I never got along with people in school because I was different. They only called me awesome and trustworthy before I dyed my hair and expressing who I truly am. The person donned in 20s clothing and blonde hair could be myself. I chopped up who I used to be because it isn’t truly who I am. I despised being put in the picture and I hate how people talk about me like I’m already dead because I no longer dress the way they want me too or have my natural hair color. I want to be referred to ME when it comes to people discussing me at family events. I don’t want to keep hearing about the “Me” that they thought I was. 

Have you creeps had any interesting or wild dreams lately? If you care to share, leave a comment below.

 

– Mercy