(found this in a notebook – I wrote this to myself when I was upset, I do this to calm myself down and think rationally about a situation.)
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Shut up all of you! You think I don’t know the bills are due? I’m doing all I can. Working so many jobs and so many hours. My life on this hamster wheel has taken me down a path of depression, self loathing, and deep regret. Losing myself within the stress. I can’t even find the voice that once was mine. Oh the horror and the shame. A young lass giving up the game. Bitch, I don’t give up. I succeed… and get even.
Pain deep within my stomach. Puking up last nights dinner. No breakfast. Drive to work. Little pay. Fill gas tank. Waste of the day. I can’t stand this! Where is the art? Where is the beauty? Where is the young lass that I once was? How did I become to ugly? So cold. So emotionless.
Hatred instead of love. Push and shove.
Beat the fuck out of you. Just beat it!
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!
You’re such a bitch sometimes. You’re so dumb. Now you’re proud of yourself you’re fine. Consumed by technology.
Gave your heart to everyone and they took it away. Took your listening ear and abused it.
Your life stopped being about you and your happiness.
You’ve sacrificed yourself!
STOP IT YOU DUMB BITCH!
Do I have to fucking slap it out of you?!
JUST WAKE UP! STOP TAKING THEIR SHIT!
YOU’VE GOT AN AMAZING FAMILY AND A GREAT BOYFRIEND. STOP SACRIFICING YOUR SOUL TO “FRIENDS” THAT ARE NEVER THERE UNLESS THEY NEED SOMETHING! THOSE AREN’T FRIENDS! TAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMN ADVICE!
STOP BENDING BACKWARDS FOR PEOPLE THAT AREN’T IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE! THEY DON’T GIVE TWO HELLS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU IN THE LONG RUN.
KEEP THE CIRCLE ROLLING AND YOU’LL SUCCEED.
YOUR BOYFRIEND LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!
YOUR FAMILY IS THERE FOR YOU!
YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSRON!
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL – EVEN IF YOU NEED YOUR BRACES! YOU’LL GET THERE!
YOU’RE A KICK ASS CHICK THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WISH THEY HAD YOUR STRENGTH.
EVEN IF THERE ARE TIMES IT DOESN’T FEEL THAT WAY…
BRUSH OFF THE DIRT AND GET BACK UP.
BECAUSE YOUR SOUL….
DON’T WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS SOUL ON THINGS THAT DON’T MATTER.
MAKE FILMS. JAM WITH THE BAND. BRING HOME THE BACON. SUCCEED!
DO IT! YOU’VE GOT IT DEEP INSIDE YOU! EVEN THOUGH YOU FEEL ALONE.
KICK LIFES ASS SO YOU CAN GROW OLD GRACEFULLY AND WITH NO REGRETS!
CHAINS AND SHACKLES BE GONE!