Night Car

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A cheesy edit I did of the old Volvo that once stood in my driveway. I kept it cheesy to let it have the crappy/cheesy B-Horror Film Feel.

A cheesy edit I did of the old Volvo that once stood in my driveway. I kept it cheesy to let it have the crappy/cheesy B-Horror Film Feel.

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Monster in the Closet (Review)

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Good Evening Creeps.

Remember when we were kids and wouldn’t sleep with the closet door open? Well kids, its most likely because of this guy:

This little fella is the guy that is living in your closet. Not to be confused for the pedophile behind great-grandma’s fur coat. We start off in the film by seeing people talking to their closets because they hear a noise. Then, they get taken in and eaten by the fella posted above. A reporter is complaining about only writing obituaries, so he tries to get a bigger story. He pursues the murders going on around the town. He meets up with this kid named, Professor whose mother is a biology teacher which the Sheriff thinks is just some crazy broad. The crazy broad is friends with this neat professor fella that wants to try to stop having the monster killed. In the end, they had to destroy closets because the monster kidnapped the reporter and it looked something like this:

Still a Better Love Story than Twilight

^ Still a better love story than Twilight

And in the end, without further investigation to see if there were more monsters in any closets — people were instructed to rebuild their closets. I love this film because of it’s cheesy nature. It’s clearly dear to my heart and I remember that I now have to purchase it. What I like about this film is the dialogue is cheesy as an Ed Wood film (Plan 9 From Outer Space Cheesy). I like this because it fits it so goddamn well you couldn’t picture it with serious dialogue. This had to be one of those films where the actors and actresses in it couldn’t take the script seriously. I would die laughing if I had to try to keep a straight face while acting this out.

I give it 5 Cheeses.

Sorry for this short and pathetic review — Must get to working on my stuff for a casting call.

All images of film were found on google search.

Blood & Guts
– Mercy Desdemona

Trailer:

Motel Hell (1980) Review

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Farmer Vincent, his strange creepy sister, crappy acting and predictability equal marvelous 80’s cheese. The overacting seems to make this horror film more of a comedy – yet it’s quite enjoyable. Not only did this film make me giggle like a tiny baby hyena, it also made me ponder exactly how many farmer freaks like this are out there in the world. With all the crazy loons running amuck amongst those people that are supposed to be within a social setting – Your breakfast sausage may be a Farmer Vincent Special. Isn’t that a sickening thought?

Of course, with all cheesy films there’s a blonde bimbo that creepily makes out with old farmer Vincent. Why? I don’t know. But I guess old men need love too. She has to be the most annoying person in the film because all she does is look around like a deer caught in headlights, say a few lines, and then scream. She’s got the dumb blonde role down pat though.

So anyway, Vincent has this secret garden, which is made up of travelers that pass by his hotel. He and his creepy sister would bury people within the garden and cut their vocal chords. They sounded like alien monsters trying to scream for help. They actual remind me of frogs with their croaking. Farmer Vincent has been smoking people meat and selling it to people for years. Throughout the movie you see a few customers that nom on the meat and talk about how delicious ol’ uncle Ted’s leg meat is… well they don’t know it’s human but you get my drift.

Also, the wonderful thing about this is the questions and answers. You know lines like: “Why don’t you just burn the place?” “You mean arson?” That make you wanna face palm yourself and chuckle. Needless to say, this film is under my fantastical cheesy film category so if you’re interested take a peak.

I found the full film on Youtube here:

Blood & Guts
– Mercy