Back to Vocals!

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Dear Creeps,

As you may have read in previous self journey blog posts of mine, I was a singer when I was younger. From the age I could talk to about my senior year in high school I sang so much. I ranked 4th in singing competition for my area, sang with the college choir and more. After high school ended, I neglected my vocals due to the tiring ways of college that was bestowed upon me. I honestly, had no idea what a depressive mess I had become without singing as much as I used to. It was my stress relief. My confidant. My friend.

After three years of neglecting my friend, it’s time to get back to vocals! I have to find my range all over again and start from square one. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get a band together and work on some covers of which I’m sure will be posted on the web once perfected. I have to thank my boyfriend for inspiring me to be myself again. The fire inside me was starting to grow dim until I met someone that had the same music dream as I. We work well together and I look forward to getting back into practice and being where I belong.

I also would like to take bass up again. But, that will come after I re-gain my confidence for singing. A part of me died in 2005, when my grandfather passed away. I was really close with the man, and I sang to him three weeks before he died. That was the first time I saw tears in my grandfathers eyes. (He was a stubborn, German man that didn’t show emotion other than wise ass in front of people.) After he had passed, I was saddened by his loss and only sang when it came to specific events for school.

Today, I have been finding my old vocal warm ups and exercises. I have the biggest fear of destroying my voice! That would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. But it’s best to exercise the muscle and get it to where I’d like it and be respectful to my body. Singing will open the world to me again. I feel the fire burning inside me again. I have a confidence yet shyness mixed within. Deep inside, this is the place I want to be. In front of the mic, telling my story for people. Hopefully, touching the emotions within people that listen to me.

I will admit, I have a low confidence because I’m in desperate need of braces. I’m also worried with the jaw problems I’m suffering caused by my uneven teeth will cause singing issues. That is something I do not want. But, I am not going to let this put me down. For three long years I hung up my music creation and became a “desk person”. I am not a desk person. My ambition for life is too powerful to be behind a desk.

This is my quest. To re-gain what I had and to pursue my happy place.

– Mercy Desdemona

Creep Question: Have you ever stopped doing something dear to your heart? Why? Have you ever gone back? If you want to share, feel free to comment below.

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Don’t Lose Yourself

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I’ve grown tired of my lack of ambition. I graduated high school in 2009. I was a strong-willed; ambitious young woman that was a successful bass player and vocalist. I had the guts it took to be who I wanted to be. No one could discourage me or tell me any different than what I wanted to do. I had a dream and was willing to obtain it. Through hard work and learning.

2010, I joined University online. The ambition, the strong-will, and my might started to diminish the more I was in school. I started to settle for what life was. My dreams were slowly being squashed and I thought, hey I’ll just settle for something near my dream instead of obtaining it.

2013, I’m done having my life sucked out by anyone. I have the drive, the ambition, the work ethic and not to mention, I’ve got what it takes to make a success out of myself. I filled out a leave of absence form for school. This is when I lost friends because it’s not what they approved of or because I was changing. I started to get bullied. For doing absolutely nothing but finding myself. I’m tired of settling for what life is. I’m going to pursue the family shop, I”m going to pursue my music and use my talents. I have a lot to offer to a community. I’m tired of seeing female vocalists shy away because they don’t feel beautiful enough and then go forth to “slut up” and waste their talents.

No. I’m not someone that would be put in playboy magazine or go on to win Sexiest Metal Queen. I’m an average woman. But I’ve got drive, a fire of life in my soul, and talent to take me to where I want to go.

I’m tired of being silent because “friends” tell me I’m going down a wrong path because it’s not what they would do. Screw people. My life isn’t about them or settling for nothing.

Don’t ever give up yourself. If you feel yourself is slipping away, something is wrong.