A Letter to my Ex

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Dear Ex,

When we first met, I felt a spark right away. You were my world from day one and I thought I couldn’t find anyone better. I thought I could always count on you. We laughed, we kissed, we shared intimate moments. We traveled, hung out with movie stars and bands. We walked on beautiful trails that looked like they came directly out of a travel magazine. We walked through cemeteries and talked about our lives and what we wanted to do.

But, then you started acting different. Once you got what you wanted. You’re a drifter. You’re someone who doesn’t know loyalty. You made me feel bad for my issues instead of being there for me. You would blame me for everything going wrong when all I was doing was pleasing you. I gave my 100%. You drained me of all my life, my ambition. You’ve made me empty. I’m like the walking dead.

You kept me away from my closest friends! Made accusations about me, which I proved weren’t true. And then I found out the reason you were making these accusations what because YOU were the one sleeping around. You fucked another woman. You were flirting with women behind my back. Trying to get me to hate all women around you. You manipulated me and made me feel so small. You made me feel like an idiot. But, I loved you so. I didn’t see it.

Until one day, the girl came forward and admitted to what was going on. You were caught in your lie. I asked you to your face if what she was saying was true. You denied it. You looked right in my eyes and denied it. I felt my world crash down around me. I’m a closed off person to the world. I opened up to you about so many things. You used it all against me. In some sick game. You told me you loved to see people cry and weep after this was all said and done.

You thought I was going to be weak. A girl you could tame. But, that’s the opposite of who I am. I’m a warrior girl. I stand my ground. You didn’t like it. You never liked it when I proved you wrong. You started to hate me when your friends actually liked me. You hated it when your family liked me. I should have known then there was something wrong. Especially after being together for three years.

 

All the panic attacks, all the stress… was brought on by you. I was trying so hard to give you the world. But, now… with the help of my great friends that you kept from me… I’m finding myself again. I’m on the road to where I need to be. My friends accept me for who I am. They never ask me to change. They accept my insanity. They never make me feel small. Or try to push me around. They come to my aid when I need it. All this time I thought I was alone. I’m not. I’ve got people I can count on. And they like me the way I am. Both the good and the bad.

 

I guess I’m writing this in a way to say thank you for the hell. You made me realize I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was and that I deserve better out of my life. I’m glad we’re not together anymore. You were holding me back from my dreams and desires in life. While I will never forget the pleasant memories we shared, I would never want to be with you again. I’m closing my chapter with you. Good riddance.

  • Mercy
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Blog Changes & Travel Notices

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Hello my little vamps!

Just to touch base with all of my follows that there will be some blog changes. To kick off the changes I have decided to do a review every Wednesday night in February of a film. I’d really like to get back into doing album reviews too. Whether it be new or old. I am also going to put my travel journal here as I have been given opportunities! I am invited down to a convention in Pittsburgh, PA and have a photo shoot opportunity. I’m also working on doing a project for YouTube where I will v-log my travels around the world. Why?  Because I’m used to being a complete shut in and not having a life. I am also making big changes to YouTube. All videos that I have made with unsuccessful entertainment I am making PRIVATE. I am no longer associated with that. I am also making the videos from my other account with Morticia and Luna private.

I have grown a lot in the butt end of 2015. And I would like to continue my journey straight forward. I made some awesome memories in 2015 but unfortunately 2015 was full of the more shitty memories. 2016 is my year to do what I want to do in life. No matter how bizarre people tell me my dreams are.

Much love Vamps.

 

Yours Truly,

Mercy

 

RIP LEMMY & Angus Scrimm

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Lemmy was the bomb. A reason I became a bassist and also one of my idols for living like he wanted and not giving a fuck. I watched the livestream of his funeral service yesterday. I laughed, I cried, I felt good. I’m going to miss Lemmy and Motorhead. I’m glad I had the pleasure of seeing them in 2012 on Gigantour. RIP Dude. Thanks for the inspiration.

 

RIP Angus – The Tall Man. You were a creepy man in the Phantasm films. I wish I had the chance to meet you. Thanks for sending chills down my spine as a kid. You rock.

 

Christmas Eve 2015

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‘Tis the season for drunken friends and relatives and the giving of gifts. For most people. My Christmas Eve this year is a time for me to reflect on the year and my ghosts of Christmas Past. So, In good spirit I shall share my favorite dear Christmas memories that are close to my spooky heart. It’s an odd Christmas indeed for me as it’s 70 degrees outside and no sign of snow. I live in New York state… never in my life have I had a Christmas that didn’t require a woodstove. It’s like going on a vacation with out the expense.

 

  • When I was three years old, I told my parents I already had toys and I didn’t want a strange man in my house to deliver the toys. I had enough and he should keep out of my house and not eat my cookies.
  • When my Pop Pop (RIP 1927-2005) was alive he would always help me snitch Christmas cookies from Mom mom’s Christmas cookie batches. We had a good time and he taught me swear words in German.
  • One year my parents bought my younger brother and I a bunch of gifts but hid them beneath the couch. So beneath the tree “Santa” only delivered one present for each of us. I got macaroni and cheese and my brother got peanut butter cereal. We were the two happiest kids in the world that my parents were shocked we didn’t bother looking for the other gifts until they pointed out that there was a note on the tree from “Santa” to go on a scavenger hunt. That was the best macaroni and cheese ever.
  • The Christmas I had with my first real boyfriend will always be a pleasant memory. I drove down in the ice and snow to go pick him up three hours away from me and bring him to my house. His first night with me he got stuck with the whole CLAN of my family and all their drinking antics. Thank you for the memory dude! I laughed my ass off the whole time.

I wish all my creeps a Spooky holiday. Whatever holiday you may celebrate.

 

  • Mercy

Life Update: RETURN OF THE INTERNET!!

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I am back my marvelous stalkers! It has been an interesting three years without the internet. I did a lot of soul searching and found myself. I have lost and gained people in my life. I couldn’t be anymore content. I am pleased to announce my return to blogging. I’m thinking of posting a review once a week and start up my interviews again.

I really missed blogging and doing reviews. I have started a band called Murder Tramp. We are working on a couple covers to see how well we work together before working on some originals. I’m very excited about the project. I am looking forward to doing more photo shoots as well and looking into starting up my own entertainment company.

I will be shooting horror shorts soon! My friends and I will be posting them on my You Tube channel. I’m looking forward to this all.

These past three years have been a test from the universe.

And I’m proud at how strong I am.

  • Mercy

2015 Reflections

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Hello my darlings. 

I am doing my 2015 reflections now as I have to put it behind me as quick as possible to move on to my new endeavors. I have been through a lot this past year. I almost lost my home and the business. I’ve lost friends and gained some. And, the most heart wrenching was breaking up with my boyfriend of three years.

2015 was turbulent and really put me through test with my depression and anxiety. I felt lower than low and didn’t realize how strong I was until currently. I am happy I got my best friends back. They stuck by me through my mood swings, my rage, and my darkness. I cherish them in every way. They gave me the strength to keep going. And, to them I feel greatful.

My boyfriend and I split ways. As much as I still carry love for him, I know that we aren’t meant to be. After the split, I was torn and depressed as anyone would be. But, now after just one month apart, I feel reborn. Like, I have reached new heights and can achieve my goals. While my ex and I split on bad grounds, I do not wish him pain or troubles. I hope that one day he meets his dreams that he always wanted to achieve. I wish him happiness. Why? Because I’m not an immature lady. He did provide me with years of lovely companionship . Showed me the world and allowed me to grow. For that I thank him.

 

I have realized that I am capable of reaching anything I wanted to do. I just have been feeling bad for myself. Honestly, yes I battle depression and anxiety. It is hell! But I cannot let it make me want to fade away to dust. I will go forth with strength. I have to. I find doing creative things helps me with my mood swings and the anxiety. So I am dedicating my time to that.

 

Thank you readers for your patience while I’ve been AWHOL.

 

  • Mercy