Battle with Depression

Depression doesn’t define character of a person. Depression is a sign that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. At least, that’s how it was in my case. I suffered from depression so deep that I didn’t realize how deep it was. I started being negative all the time and dragging people down with me. The cause of my depression was my caring nature. (Wait..what?) Yes. That’s right. My caring nature. I started to be there for people so much that I got consumed in their issues I forgot to pay attention to myself. I started to feel hate towards friends and felt like I wasn’t being heard because when I would try to discuss a situation going on in my life, they would scatter away. Like it never mattered.

After having a falling out with a friend that was someone I saw as a sister, I came to realize that she wasn’t a friend when she uses my depression as a definition of my character. I was wrong to be negative all the time and drag people down with me. But, I suppose that was my cry for help. And when I didn’t receive it, I got frustrated. At first, I tried to justify my actions to this person because I thought since we were friends for a long time we could discuss the matter like adults should. I was wrong. Because instead of seeing that I was dealing with depression, I became defined as a person with poor character.

Depression messes with your brain. It causes you to become paranoid, sad, dreadful, suicidal even. I started having dreams of myself lying cold dead. That was my wake up call. Hitting rock bottom was the hardest thing I had to do as a person. For so long, I was the strong one for people that I neglected my own world to bring me down so much.

The positive side of going through an issue like this, you realize the people that are there for you. Through thick and thin. And you realize who is just dependent on you, on your life. My depression was a negative that I turned into a positive.

I am a very creative individual. A musician, writer, hobbyist photographer. I used to use these creative outlets for my depression all through high school. I always felt unheard and that I didn’t have a life purpose for so long. As college started, I stopped doing these outlets that made me content and sort out my issues. It was the biggest mistake of my life and that is why I took a break from school.

I’ve grown tired as an individual having to justify my actions and my views for people that spit on me when I was on the ground. Yesterday, a letter was written to the individual that was like a sister. The only thing that was received back was how horrible a person I was and negative. No chance to learn who I am as a human being. That folks, is how you know things aren’t worth it.

Depression is a signal that there is something wrong and that your life needs your attention. Don’t brush it off as a grain of salt, and whatever you do, don’t get on anti-depressants (they only mask the problem, they don’t fix the problem. How can you fix the problem when you’re a doped up zombie?)

  1. Don’t be ashamed that you have depression – We all at some point feel the depression blues but we don’t know how to handle it.
  2. Pay attention to yourself – You know yourself better than anybody. If you start thinking thoughts that you don’t usually think or chase away people that you love, you know there’s something not right. You may also feel scared.
  3. Panic Attacks – Panic attacks came along with my depression. It may not for everyone, but that is a clear sign you need to cool it before you go bonkers.
  4. Talk – Talk with those around you. Loved ones, a significant other, friends. Let them know where you’re at. Those that listen will be there to help. Those that turn away weren’t friends anyway.

Here’s the steps I took personally to get over my depression:

  • Say goodbye to people that don’t matter – These are the people that are fraud people in your life.
  • Say goodbye to the past pain – The past is the past. If you keep staying in the past, you will repeat it because your mind is focused upon it. Too many people concentrate on the past, they neglect the present and future.
  • Cut down time on the web & Social Media! – This one I’m keeping bold, because it’s definitely one of the major causes of my depression. Being on the web all the time for college (I was an online student), made me get scooped up in the web too much to the point my life lost it’s oomph! Social Media should be a fun tool to get in touch with people or network. But as a society we get wrapped up in it. Creeps, don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. Only use facebook once a week. See how much more relaxed the world is around you!
  • Start being you! – Start being who you are. Stop trying to be perfect and stop justifying your choices to people. We all make good and bad. Human nature. Move forward!

– Mercy

 

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