My Battle with Insecurities
I thought I would share my experience with insecurities to sort of help people that stumble upon this blog. Please, forgive me for my horrible wording and blunt nature. I just have to be myself, and this blog isn’t an attack on anyone. (It’s sad that now I have to type that disclaimer.) I battled with insecurities for a long time. Mainly because I was uncomfortable with who I was and never showed it to the public eye of what I was going through within my mind, body, and soul. I am a very private individual, only usually sharing my opinions on certain subjects. But, I see a lot of people going through what I had to go through and I don’t want people to almost hit rock bottom like I have.
I was the person in the back of the classroom, that the teachers didn’t ever know if I was actually present or just skipping school. The bookworm, rocking the “Cousin It” hair do and voted “Most Independent” & “Quietest” in a high school yearbook. I’m a short person, in need of braces, dealing with personal issues at the time and struggles that almost completely devoured my sanity. At first, I didn’t really have a specific outlet for my issues. I didn’t trust the friends that were around me because I was a very untrusting individual when it came to “outsiders” of myself.
I was a victim of bullying – not only at school, but by my mother at home. I had to deal with feeling completely down about myself almost 24/7. I dumbed myself down so I wouldn’t have to deal with being pushed around. I didn’t want to be the smart kid or the person people pushed around at all. I was hiding who I really was – just to avoid people in general. I wanted nothing to do with the world around me.
One thing I didn’t realize until my Junior year in high school – I was my own worst enemy, my own personal bully. I dealt with social anxiety. I didn’t feel confident even doing a book report in front of the class and it was all becuase of what my brain was causing me to think about the audience. The fear over took me and I allowed my grades, friendships, work plummet all becuase of this issue.
I am proud to say that I am over it. And here is how:
- Admit & Realize you are your own worst enemy – Hardest thing to do in all honesty. Mainly becuase as humans we don’t want to see the faults that we have. We always want to point the finger – and it’s wrong. Yes, there are other factors that can cause you to have a problem. But with insecurities, I found out that the worst enemy was myself! I started actually verbally beating myself down until I was in tears – Without even realizing it was the issue!
- Look it Over – Look it over! Picture the issue like a rock in your hands. Flip it over. Look at it all over. Notice what parts are smooth, what parts are rough and unpleasant to the touch. Identify what parts you’d like to smooth out.
- Out of the Box – Step out of your comfort zone. Honestly, I had to start making videos and talk more in public to get out of my fears and insecurities. I didn’t think my ideas or thoughts were important or helpful in any situation becuase for so long I was treated like I was the village idiot! Never be ashamed of what skills and thoughts you can offer to the table! We live in a society where intelligence is bashed for absolutely NO REASON!
- Find an Outlet/Hobby – I know, I know. This is in all the self-help books and pamphlets. But, honestly it’s quite helpful. I started to express myself through writing and music and picked up photography as a hobby. It helped me control the emotions and keep my mind on a thoughtful and correct track. Not only that, but it helped me build my confidence!
- Say your faults outloud! – Go lock yourself in the bathroom. Look at your faults – we all have them becuase we’re human. And mention them to yourself. Why the hell would I have you do this when I said stop bullying yourself? Because in order to be confident about yourself you have to be able to accept the fact that you are a human being. You aren’t perfect. You have faults. Here’s 3 things on my list: I have an overbite, I despise – My nose is crooked from when it was broken – I can be brutally honest and hurt people without realizing.
- Accept your faults – Accept you! – Life is too short to allow insecurities to stop you from achieving your dreams, goals and desires. Sometimes it’s up to you to light your own fire beneath yourself to get you going. Accept the fact that you aren’t perfect. That in life you never stop learning. That the world is an interesting place, that can teach us how to move forward instead of repeating history. That you are capable of going on doing your own thing and not have to worry about the asshole trying to knock you down becuase they are forever alone and most likely talk to a stuffed teddy bear named Lou.
I don’t know if my words mean anything to anyone out there in the world. And, I sure as hell am not a professional. I just want to tell you from my eyes and from my experience. If some of these things apply to you and help you – I’m glad. If not, it’s alright to becuase composing this blog post helped myself as an individual.
Never sell yourself into the bully’s word and become what they claim you are!
I must go. My stomach is alerting me that it is in need of some food. Away to the fridge.
Blood & Guts,